Body & Soul – Caring for Yourself Without Guilt

Welcome to Life Reclaimed, a place for honest conversations about faith, healing, and real life.

We are three friends learning to walk in freedom and trust God through the messy middle.

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Well, hello and welcome, everyone.

We’re so glad you are able to spend a few minutes with us.

We are excited to chat.

We are around our table and we can’t wait for you to listen in.

Again, my name is Kim.

I’m Cindy, and I’m Brenda.

And we are excited to have you.

So, you guys, I’m so glad you’re here.

What is something that most people would know about you?

Most people know that I’m in a really great new season of my life just feeling blessed and full of joy.

Love that.

That’s great.

That’s a great feeling.

For me, I’ll take it down and notch a little bit.

Most people know that I like to eat.

I get my macros in pretty much every day, be prepping the whole thing mostly people know that.

I love that.

I actually don’t like to eat and can barely eat anything.

So that is hilarious.

For me, if I had a day off, most people know that, my dog, my family, we’d be on the water somehow, some way, kayaking, paddle boarding, doesn’t even matter. I don’t care, boat, even just walking by the water. I just, the water refreshes my soul and I just love it.

Well, today, we’re going to talk about caring for your body and your soul.

You guys ready for this?

This is quite a topic and we all have very different experiences and feelings about it.

You know, why self-care feels loaded or controversial for Christian women in particular.

So I’m excited to see where this conversation goes.

How about you guys?

I am, too.

Yeah, it’s going to be good to talk it out.

Let’s go.

That’s why we’re around the table.

So, somewhere along the way, care started to feel like selfishness.

So I’m wondering if you guys have had any experience with that.

Sure.

You know, there is just this feeling of guilt that I’m not cleaning my house or I should be doing something productive.

It feels like caring for myself is not necessarily productive.

Got it.

So the trade-off of taking care of me is that I’m not taking care of someone or something else.

Right.

Well, especially if you’ve had babies, and children, and a husband and you’re supposed to be taking care of them and you tend to set yourself aside.

And then when you find yourself years down the road and all your children are adults and maybe an empty nester or you’re single again, you’re back to wait a minute.

What do I do for me?

Don’t forget your pets.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, my dogs rate higher than I do.

Because that you have to take care of it.

Yeah.

And as women, I think we feel like we’re failing if we’re not nurturing. Something or someone.

So true.

The innate nature of being the nurturer in the home can really cause some interesting things, mental gymnastics in our heads.

Well, we’d like to say this is a conversation and not a prescription.

We just, we want to open the door to a healthy conversation around these ideas, and we hope that this is an interesting conversation to you guys.

So our main idea is, is caring for ourselves actually selfish or have we misunderstood what God intended for us?

Any thoughts on that?

I feel like we have, at times, society, especially, it’s become a you, you society and we’ve taken that so out of context of, do for me, do for me, but where does God fit into that?

Oh, interesting.

So we’ve swung the pendulum the exact opposite way.

Exactly.

So are we doing self-care because we are being selfish?

Oh.

Or are we doing self-care so that we’re healthy to do what God asks us to do?

Wow.

That’s a good question.

Love it.

All right.

Well, what is the connection between caring for your body and caring for your soul?

This is deep, guys.

And we’re just jumping in.

Well, I think Brenda just kind of stated that.

You know, when you do, you take the time to take care of your body, the point should be to make yourself your best so that you can serve God and serve others.

You cannot pour into people if you’re an empty vessel.

So you have to take that time to fill yourself first.

Wow.

That’s great.

That’s great.

I think that’s really important.

I know for me personally, I have been the emptied vessel many times because I was pouring into my students.

I was pouring into my family. I was pouring into my church. I was pouring into all of the extracurricular activities. I was pouring into the teachers at school that I was serving.

I mean, I was literally pouring into everybody and ended up sick and all of the things that happened because you can only be pouring out so much and you eventually have to hit the wall and learn the lesson that you need to balance it.

You need to balance the rest, the food, the time and the word, the prayer life.

It’s all about a balance.

And we could probably make a list of things of self-care because it’s probably different for everyone.

You know, some people need to go get their nails done. Some people get their eyelashes done. Some people have to go get a massage.

Some people need time in a hot tub.

Some people, I mean, we could make kind of a long list, right?

Which all sounds amazing.

Well, and you said you love to be out on a kayak.

I can’t imagine anything really much worse.

Oh, no!

I mean, I just imagine myself falling into the water super stressful.

Oh, no.

That doesn’t sound relaxing to you?

Uh, no.

Oh,

That sounds like the perfect day.

My daughter, too.

I mean, that’s her deal, but.

Well, and I think Cindy was making that connection between what we are taught in the Bible about self-care.

Yes.

We see it in psalms. We see it in proverbs. We see it in the Old Testament.

We see it in the New Testament where God is calling you to live a healthy life and that healthy life is seeking him and being filled by him so that you can take on this life, whether that life brings trials and tribulations or it brings peace.

You know, either way, wherever your circumstances are, if we are pausing to have self-care, whether that’s at the nail shop, you know, whether that’s in the gym, whether that’s on the water, whether it’s going for a walk, whether that’s just sitting in your room or hiding in the bathroom, ladies and locking the door.

Wait, a few minutes by yourself?

It’s a few minutes by yourself to spend with Jesus and refuel and reprioritize will give you what you need to get through.

And not just get through, thrive.

Yes..

Yes.

To enjoy it.

Yeah.

And if so many of us are just trying to get through the day.

But I’d like to reframe that.

We are not trying to get through the day.

We’re trying to thrive every day.

Yes.

I agree.

I agree with that.

I love that.

So caring for our body can be caring for your soul.

Now, let me take you back to the water for a second.

I think the reason why the water is my place. It’s like my happy place.

I could just sit on the edge of the beach. I can be in the lake, on the lake, looking at the lake, looking at a picture of the lake.

And I think for me, what happens is not only does it bring my heart rate down, not only does it bring my stress and anxiety down, but it actually refocuses me on Jesus.

All of a sudden, I start to look at the water and I think about all the creatures that are in the water.

And if God could actually take care to provide for the amoebas and the different little things that are inside the water, how much more does he look at his daughter and want to provide for her?

And I know that sounds a little crazy or a little nutty, but that’s, I think, why that connection is body and soul for me because it’s actually doing both.

It’s taking my body and putting it into a relaxed state while bringing Jesus in the forefront of my mind.

And so that’s really a place for me.

I mean, don’t get me wrong.

I love the water too. And I love walking along a beach. I love the sound of the waves.

I find them very calming.

I wish I could get to the ocean more.

Sure.

Because of getting in a kayak. Yeah, not doing that.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I, this idea of the water, I’m just triggered in my mind of the scripture in the Bible that talks about God’s creation and the night sky and looking up.

And if God can create all of this and provide for the sparrow, how much more he can provide for us whom he calls daughters.

And so I don’t think it’s just water.

If you are a night sky lover and love to look at the stars, it’s the same thing or be in the forest, in the trees, in the mountains.

You know, where is that creation that builds your heart, that creation that causes your your heart to jump for joy and remind you of God and his greatness.

That’s the thing about, you know, the national parks and, you know, time at the ocean mountains or wherever when you can get out like that, I think it really, you begin to think a little about just the magnitude of God. And how small we are.

And, you know, if he can do that, certainly he can meet our needs.

And just maybe he created all those things for our self-care.

Yeah.

And maybe in the divine, amazing creation, he actually created us to create with him as well.

I actually think that’s really an interesting idea that not only did God create some of the most majestic things, but then people have been able to paint those or people have been able to create the music that goes with that amazing scene that they saw.

Right.

I feel like it just, it inspires this intrinsic creativity when you see what God created.

It’s just incredible to watch.

And again, our topic being self-care, painting, drawing, you know, the artist in you, whether that’s words, singing, all of that dancing, can be part of your self-care.

Oh, I love it.

And God created it for you and gave you the ability to create with him.

Don’t feel guilty about that.

Wow.

Okay, I won’t.

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

You just gave me permission.

I love it.

I love that.

So why do you think self-care often comes with guilt for Christian women?

Can we talk for a moment about the Proverbs woman?

Yes.

Proverbs 31 We know it.

Let’s do it.

Let’s dive in.

You know, when you read, and I won’t read all of it, but, I mean, it’s a whole chapter.

She makes linen garments and sells them. She supplies belts to the tradesmen. You know, she looks well to the ways of her household. She’s, it just goes on and on.

And I think for some of us, like for me, that can feel very overwhelming. I view her as a standard that I’m supposed to try to attain.

And I think that just comes from me, you know, a background where there was some guilt associated, some blaming that went on, if I wasn’t doing all of that.

And so I’m not feeling like I was enough, not feeling I could ever do enough, have the job, bring the money in, take care of the kids, make sure that we are involved in church.

Just so much that I get a little, I feel a little angry about her, you know, but then I know she’s in there for a reason. 

So, but that’s just my take on her. I don’t know. What do you think?

Well, I just want to pause for a minute and say in a lived experience where these things were thrown back at you, I could see how that would be really hurtful and how that could be really intimidating to even never want to even hear her story again.

Right.

Like, I can see how that would really be a hard situation.

So I am sorry that there were people in your life who chose to use that as a carrot and it didn’t work.

And that was bad on them and not bad on you or even bad on her.

Right.

Right.

I want to say that was some person being manipulative and they don’t get that power anymore.

And I feel like there are other women on the other side of this podcast listening for sure have walked through that as well.

Or are currently walking through that or someone is holding that above their head, or throwing that in their face or you’re not doing this or you’re not doing that.

And, and those women need to hear that that is not what God intended for you through the Proverbs 31 woman.

Sure.

Can I tell you my version of what I see in her?

I’d love that.

So when I first read this passage, it blew my mind.

I come from a lineage of really strong women.

And so being a strong woman was never the issue for me.

But what I found interesting about the proverbs 31 woman is that she not only is unafraid of being an entrepreneur, which I love.

She’s not only able to provide for her family and take care of them, but she’s got the characteristics that you would want when you are closest to Christ.

So she’s got integrity. She’s got compassion.

She’s got willingness to sacrifice herself for those around her, not because she’s being lorded over, but out of the compassion in her heart for the people in her home.

Many of us, if we ever spent any time at home just being a mom, and I said that in air quotes, you know, you know what it’s like.

It is hard to be at home with the littles every day and maintain your sanity.

I mean, did anybody else have that experience?

Yes, sure.

So I feel like it’s such, such a precious time that goes by so fast, and then you wish you were back there with your littles the minute you don’t have them home with you anymore.

Most of us have adult children now, so we really miss those days with our littles.

But the idea that I get up every morning with joy because my worship of the Lord is providing for those who I’m nearest, man, that is joy to me.

And I see her, not that she’s spinning her wheels and taking care of everybody because she has to, but because she wants to and she loves it and she finds this peace in God filling her to be able to fill them.

And I didn’t always have that experience myself, but I really aspire to that.

I don’t know if that made sense.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah, it does.

For me, I read this list of traits that she has. And I think we’re trained immediately to look at all the ways we have failed.

Oh.

Right.

We are a world of, you didn’t do enough. You are not enough. You can’t do it all.

You know, like, and if we can’t do it all, then we’re failing.

And, you know, I personally can read the list and go, yep, failed there, failed there, failed there .

But in the end, I know I’m striving to love and serve God.

And I think that this wife of noble character, that’s what she’s trying to do.

Like she’s trying to do these things, but number one is fear the Lord.

And through fearing the Lord, being reverent and obedient, I don’t want to say the word easier, but it brings her joy to do these other things.

Yeah.

And so it reminds me that, okay, I may have failed in these areas, but God still loves me and he’s still growing my character and he’s still having me seek wisdom and seek him and knowing that I may never meet this.

Sure.

For sure, but feel confident enough to know or hope that the end of my days that he will say, good job, my faithful daughter.

Out of curiosity, do you think this list is a literal list that we should be taking literally? Or do you think this is a list of things that are ideal for?

For instance, you can choose to work. You can choose to provide at your home and cook and do all of the necessary things at home.

You can choose to sit say kind words about your husband.

I was really convicted early on in our marriage because I would always say things about my husband in a negative light of all the things that he was doing that was driving me nuts.

I’d started to listen to his talk when we were with family gatherings or when we were, you know, other places with friends, he would never say an unkind word about me in front of anyone.

And I started to really be convicted about the idea that here I was using it as a joking moment or trying to make people laugh, but it was throwing him under the bus.

And when I read this again in the middle of that season, I thought, man, I should be speaking kindly of my husband, particularly when we’re with our family or with our friends.

And I should say things that enable him to feel like I love him and I support him, even when we’re around our group.

Right.

Right.

Well, and also, you know, what I notice is that in Proverbs, her husband really appreciates her.

That’s so good.

And so I think that that goes hand in hand too, because if you feel appreciated, then it’s, I think it’s easier.

It comes a little bit more natural than you want to serve even more.

The two go hand in hand, you know?

First, a wife of noble character who can find, she is worth far more than rubies.

The next verse is her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

Like, and then everything else spins off of that.

So good.

And what it means to have your husband tell you that he’s proud of you.

Oh, so important.

And I, you know, I mean, not everybody has that experience.

Not everybody has fun.

It is really amazing if you do.

So congratulations to those who you who have that.

And if you don’t, know that your heavenly Father is so, proud. So proud of you.

So proud.

I want to go back to what you were talking about when you said, I have failed, I have failed, I have failed.

I have spent a lot of time reframing my failures in my life.

And what I have now decided is I used to think, and this is true, I used to think I am a failure.

And through lots of years of therapy, I’ve now come to this saying, I have had a failure moment, but there’s two things I now work on.

Am I doing what’s called failure avoidance or error recovery?

Because if I’m trying to avoid a failure, I’m going to avoid trying anything new.

And if I’m learning error recovery, that means I’m going to try something. I’m probably not going to do it perfectly, but I’m going to try it again and learn a lesson that makes it better the second time or maybe even the third time.

Yeah.

And I wonder which one of these theories do we operate on and then, by default, teach the people around us?

And so I’m really working on not pinning a moment to my identity because Christ did not go to the cross to tell me that I was a failure.

He went to the cross to tell me that I was precious, and saved, and loved.

So if he doesn’t see me as a failure, then I am actually not in line with his word if I see me as a failure.

What do you think of that?

That’s good.

Yeah, I’m working on me.

I agree.

I agree.

I think when I talk about the things that I have failed at, we as women, if we can read something and go, well, I didn’t meet that expectation, so I’m not going to or I can’t try now.

It’s too late.

I’ve already failed.

Why bother?

Right?

We can take on that mentality.

Yes.

You know, in education, we call it a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset.

And here we want that growth spiritual mindset that God did not, he already knew you were going to fail.

That’s why he sent Jesus, you know, to let you know that you’re not a failure.

Wow.

That he has more for you.

And that’s a lot to believe. That’s a lot to digest. That’s a lot to accept at times.

And we’re constantly, the whispers in our ears that, you know, yeah, you are a failure.

Don’t even try again.

Don’t bother, you know, I mean we know where that comes from.

Right.

All the time.

I think that, that’s in those moments when we just, we pray, we ask God, please redirect me.

I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And we go on.

I like to quote Jesus, “Get behind me, Satan.”

Yes, you did.

Yeah.

Yes.

We have a friend in our Bible study group and she is very, I love her. She’s so vocal when it comes to Satan. She doesn’t even refer to him as a he. It is an it.

Yes.

And she can use some not come kind words to call him it out.

And so, you know, we as believers, you know, please know that you have an enemy working against you.

For sure.

100%.

You know, whether you feel right next to Jesus or so far from Jesus, he wants to keep you there. It wants to keep you as far away as possible.

So he is going to be chirping in your shoulder.

You are failing. You did fail. You are a failure.

You are a failure.

He is going to throw those words at you. How dare you take this moment to yourself? Who do you think you are?

Your kids, do your husband needs you to do this. Your job needs you to do this.

He is going to be chirping in your ear when you try to sit down and have a moment with God.

And please recognize that that is Satan.

And you need to say, “Satan, get behind behind me” because this is my time with Jesus and I know I am a daughter of the whole holy God and you are not welcome here, “Satan, get out.”

And you will be shocked of where that guilt goes.

Right?

It is going to dissipate.

It’s going to turn to joy.

Love that.

So I’ve always been one who was aware of the spiritual battle. I saw Satan really work on people near me and they would just fall into his traps over ,and over, and over again.

And what I’ve finally realized is he can continue to say things to you, and you have the power to turn the volume down and not listen to him. So Satan can tell you you’re a failure and you can turn the volume down and it just sounds like static from a radio.

And that is not a true statement because where my identity comes from is the word of God, not from Satan in my ear.

And so again, get behind me, Satan because you don’t have the power to make that decision.

You don’t get to decide whether I’m a failure.

And for sure, 100%, that is where our guilt comes from.

Yes.

He has lied to us.

He has stolen time, energy, joy from our lives, because we’ve beaten ourselves up.

I don’t know about you.

So I will say this for me. I carry a guilt and shame complex, probably because of my childhood, but I have more guilt and shame and I’ve got enough for all of us here.

So don’t you worry.

But if I allow that guilt and shame to carry, I get so weighed down and I can start to really believe things about myself that have haunted me for years.

And I have to work every day to now stop my thought, is this true?

Am I really a failure?

Because I didn’t accomplish this one task, did that really make me a failure? And that really helps.

It really does.

And I’m able to say, is this a lie from the pit of hell?

Because if it doesn’t match what the word of God says, it is most likely the world, Satan, demons, something lying to me, even myself, maybe, lying to me.

And I don’t need to bear any more guilt and shame than I already feel. So I don’t need to carry it, if it doesn’t align with God’s word and what he says, I’m now stopping it.

I’m not taking it anymore. I am done. You don’t get to put me under your thumb.

I am released. I am free. I am not doing it.

But I also want to say this one thing.

A friend that I used to teach with, he would say, cats don’t play with dead mice.

And I would say, what do you mean by that?

And he would say, if we’re getting ready to do something that’s going to be impactful to people for the cause of the kingdom, Satan is going to attack it with all force from every aspect to keep us from being unproductive and being able to reach those people’s lives.

And if we are doing something that’s not going to be effective, then Satan’s not going to attack it.

Why would he bother? Why would he waste his time?

So it occurs to me that as you get to be free or as you’re doing something for the kingdom or as you’re trying to be build, you know, godly character into your children, he is, of course, going to attack it because that’s what he does.

That’s what he’s great at.

If he can lie to you and just lie to you enough that you doubt, that’s all he has to do.

I think it’s really funny that we’ve gone from self-care all the way straight into what Satan has planned for your life.

It’s, I think there’s a connection for sure, because self-care allows you to be refueled with the spirit, refueled with the fruits, like refueled so you can serve God.

Satan doesn’t want that to happen.

For sure.

So of course, he’s going to make you feel guilty.

Of course he’s going to put these thoughts in your head while you were talking 2 Corinthians 10:5 came to mind where we were to take every thought captive, Yes, you know, and apply it to your life.

Like, look at the Bible.

Is this true?

Like you’re saying?

Yes.

So I think it’s super important for women who are attempting to have self-care, that are feeling guilty and shameful to recognize that, no, don’t have guilt and shame in that.

Don’t let Satan win.

Let him know that, no, your role, your job, your desire is to please God, and you know to please God, you need these five minutes of self-care or 30 minutes of self-care or a whole day of self-care, which I probably I have not had in a long time.

But when you’re convicted and know, I’m running on fumes, I’m snapping at my kids, I’m snapping at my husband. I’m snapping at the UPS man.

Like, who are you, you know, the angst inside of your heart, you know, recognize your body, recognize your heart rate, recognize your thoughts, reflect on those and then say, oh, no, I need self-care and not out of selfishness, but out of the ability to thrive in life and provide the light for others.

Wow.

That’s so good.

I think that’s a good segue to the next question about have any of us personally struggled with feeling selfish for taking care of ourselves?

100%.

Yeah.

I’m sure we all have.

Yeah.

And when I consider what it cost to ignore those needs, there are physical ramifications when you don’t take care of yourself.

Yeah.

God wants you to do that because I know from a personal standpoint, there were chest pains that a lot of women, you know, we stress ourselves out so much and we don’t take care of ourselves and we physically end up sick.

Yeah, I agree.

Completely sick.

We – We’re not doctors, but we’ve each experienced some form of physical ailment due to lack of self-care, where we have allowed anxiety and stress and just busyness of life to cause us to have high cortisol levels to cause us to have nausea and tension headaches.

How about migraines?

Migraines, gut issues. You name it.

Everything from panic attack to complete shutdown of your body.

Yes.

Just a few months ago, I was not doing my self-care for sure.

And it was like the second time it had happened in a few days where I literally forgot something that I should not forget.

Like, one was a meeting and it was so bad. Like Friday, I knew I had the meeting on Monday and I got the email about the meeting. I sent an email about the meeting.

I got the minutes together for the meeting. Like I did these things and I didn’t go to the meeting. I left work. We should have gone to the meeting.

I even had time to go to the meeting. And my friends on the other side of this microphone, I drove past the building.

I was supposed to go to the meeting. And it was not until I hit my dirt road.

Yes, I live off of a mile long dirt road. I got a text message. “Hey, are you coming to the meeting?”

I was literally on my dirt road miles away from the meeting now.

And I text her back and said, “No. I’m not.”

And that was when I recognized, oh, something’s not right. This is not a fog. This is not a, I’m not eating right…

This was just literally, I’m not spending enough time in the word.

Wow.

I am not reaching out to Jesus enough.

I’m not connected enough to fill my soul.

I’m running on fumes.

And when you’re running on fumes, things start to fall apart.

You miss things.

And so it was that day.

I was like, enough is enough.

I need to slow down.

I need to be up early and in my Bible, and spending time with my God, who I know who can refill me.

That was the moment.

That was a big shift for me.

Wow.

And I haven’t missed a morning since that day and I’ve slowed down.

I feel like a lot.

I’m not forgetting things.

I’m not missing the meetings.

So, yeah, it can have a very big physical impact on you if we’re not taking time for self-care .

And this press one more time. What has changed specifically since you’ve started doing this?

I I’m not stressed out about things and then forgetting things. Literally, I’m fueling my myself with Jesus and the Word and prayer. And I’m finding myself being able to be more reflective on pieces.

I feel more organized, which sounds really weird

but you have this great calm about you lately.

Yeah, that’s where it’s coming from.

That’s amazing.

You know, it makes me think we tend to just completely overload our brains.

And for me, it’s that overload and that’s when I start forgetting stuff.

I mean, I do it too, but it’s that overload.

And so instead, what I hear you saying is, and what I need to do as well. When you set that time aside in the morning, I mean, usually that’s probably the better time to do it. When you set that time aside, then that prioritizes everything else.

Yes.

And instead of your brain, my brain being so full of all this stuff that I think is so important, what God does during that time is, you know, he helps me prioritize what needs to happen today.

Yes.

And all the other stuff falls away.

You know, that was great.

I’m glad you said that.

I’m always going to think about you missing that meeting.

I don’t want to be that person.

Don’t miss the meeting.

It’s, so good.

Don’t drive straight past it.

So I’ll give you another one.

Before the meeting, the whole week before, and I had not realized it.

We were having an all school flag salute.

Oh.

I wrote it in my calendar, in my lesson plan. My class still missed the all school flag salute.

Oh, wow.

Because I had forgotten all about it.

We had other stuff to accomplish and other things to do. And then the meeting happened. And I was like, okay, that’s it.

That’s a wakeup call. This is a wakeup call right there and then.

Yeah.

Wow.

Good.

Wow.

Yeah.

So if you find yourself there, use our experience and know that you’re not alone and you need some time with Jesus, some self-care.

And I want to recognize for some reason in my brain, I thought there’s probably maybe women out there who you may work nights.

Yes.

Your morning is your night.

And we get that.

Use that time before your night begins.

Well, and I was going to say some of us can’t sleep because Satan messes with our head.

We have insomnia. We have other things that happen at night in our mind.

And so sometimes while the devotion in the morning maybe what sets your day, some of us need it at night so we can sleep and rest in peace and get an actual good amount of sleep.

That way, when you wake up, you can handle your day because you’ve been able to not torment yourself all night long, but you’ve been able to actually rest and sleep.

So wherever your time is that you can just spend that time with God, I don’t know that it matters when or where. I think what matters is that you do.

Yes.

Just consistently do whenever, that time is for you.

For sure.

Reading a new Bible in a year series.

And the author talked about at night, we do have thoughts. A lot of people struggle with thoughts and worries and it all comes like you’re trying to settle down on your brain.

It’s just fueled that she said to turn those thoughts and worries, into your prayers. You know, that’s your, so that you can get the restful sleep. Turn them into your prayers and God will fuel the peace inside of you so that you can rest.

Love that.

Which I think is huge. Because as women, I do feel like we all struggle once we lay our heads down with the whole to do lists of things we didn’t get done, or need to get done, or what got said, and what didn’t get said.

And who shouldn’t have said that?

Yes.

You know, who we’d make mad? Who made us mad? You know, oh, I shouldn’t have said that or I should have said this.

So we can relate to that for sure.

And just turn those into prayers, let God handle it.

Yeah.

And then you can sleep.

And you can sleep.

Which, honestly, I’m not very great at.

And that is a self-care and sleeping, eating, you know, all of those things are part of self-care.

So let’s talk for a little bit.

Anybody want to clarify the difference between self-care versus selfishness?

Any good thoughts on that?

What do you think?

I actually looked this up because I was like, hmm, well, what my definition of self-care versus selfishness may may not really be accurate because it applies to me.

So self-care is the necessary intentional act of maintaining your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Wow.

And while this definition says, to better show up for yourself and others, I would.

Yes, like to better show up for God.

Yes.

And for his use of our lives.

Self-care replenishes resources while selfishness depletes them.

Wow.

So if we’re in a selfishness mode, it’s not serving God.

It’s serving us.

It’s serving you.

Yeah.

If you’re choosing to do something that is going to hurt someone else, or yourself, or God, that’s selfishness. If you’re not thinking about pain, that it may cause others that selfishness.

Sure.

Thank you for looking that up.

You’re welcome.

Self-denial versus self-neglect.

Ooh, I think, you know, self-denial is more along the lines of, for example, you know, like fasting.

It’s not a bad thing to do deny yourself something that is maybe interfering with your relationship with God, you know?

That’s good.

That’s good.

Take up your cross.

Yeah, exactly.

Whereas self-neglect, I’m not taking care of myself.

I think there’s a huge difference between the two.

Wow.

So I think self-denial is, I’m going to try to summarize. I think self-denial is, I am not doing something I need because I’m taking care of someone else at the moment. And I think self-neglect can actually be in a deconstructive. I’m punishing myself. I am am not allowing myself to have anything good.

I am purposely not looking at my needs or having my needs met, whatever those may be, sleep, food, whatever, because I’m punishing someone for being mean to me or because I don’t think I deserve it, because, I mean, there are all these sort of destructive reasons why I might be neglecting myself.

And it might be because I don’t feel whole.

I don’t feel love.

I feel like I’ve let God down.

I haven’t measured up.

Oh, there’s a good book called Measured Up. And, you know, there, there’s a lot to it, but I feel like when we self-neglect, it’s kind of similar to self-sabotage.

Sure.

Yeah.

And again, I think it is, like you said, it’s a way of punishing ourselves if we have shame, and we don’t have to carry that.

You know, if we know we did something wrong, we’ve sinned against God, come and confess. And instead of punishing ourselves, and, you know, I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve that.

I don’t deserve to be happy. Whatever.

Again, those are the lies just to keep us down.

So, yeah, I agree like with what you said, the denial, that’s a temporary thing that we’re just doing because we are helping others or whatever.

We’re not trying to punish ourself, I don’t think, with self-denial.

Right, for sure.

I wish I had that verse right off hand, but it was something about deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me.

Matthew 16:24-26.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, if anyone would come after me, he deny himself and take his cross to save his life.

That’s so good.

And that is not being self-neglecting.

No.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

Wow.

There you go.

Self- denial versus self-neglect.

Okay.

Well, is caring for yourself all about indulgence or is it about stewardship?

I think we’ve kind of touched on that, that without using those words. Stewardship is being able to manage your resources well.

Yes.

Like the Porverbs 31 woman would be able to.

Yes.

And you’re when you’re talking about self-care, your resources are your fruit of your spirit, the joy, the love, the peace, the patience, the kindness, 

the goodness, the faithfulness, the gentleness, the self-control.

All of it.

All of that.

That’s what you’re trying to steward.

Yes.

And if we’re depleted of that, then we’re not doing ourselves any good or the people around us, any good at all.

We’re not able to serve God with our full heart.

You know, you’re going to be that person that he looks upon, and you may have called my name, but I don’t know who you are.

I don’t want to be that person.

No.

So it’s not about indulgence.

Now, a good spa day is always great to indulge in. You know, there’s nothing wrong with those things. It’s, are we also doing the things that replenish our soul?

Love it.

I love this idea.

You cannot pour into others from an empty plate.

Right.

You just can’t, you have to be sure that you are taking care of yourself.

Yeah, I love that.

And I do think neglecting yourself is a sign of holiness.

No.

No.

Now I can just hear the chirping, you know, when it it comes to stewarding money.

Yes, we may need to neglect the new pair of shoes.

Sure.

Because we need 

food 

or the refrigerator is dying.

Or, you know, there’s something the family needs versus yourself. That doesn’t make you more holy. That makes you a good steward. 

Sure.

Which grows your faith in Jesus.

Love that.

Okay.

Well, we have had a lot of great scriptures that we’ve pulled up.

I love Psalm 62:5.

Do it.

Yes, my soul, finds rest in God. My hope comes from Him.

There’s so much peace in that verse. It does makes you take that deep breath.

Okay.

Seek him, find the rest.

He gives you permission.

You mean I can sleep?

Yes.

You can.

1 Timothy 4:7B-8.

Train yourself to be godly.

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

So another great verse.

And it’s a discipline.

When I see physical training or, you know, training yourself, what it says to me is it’s not going to just magically happen.

You have to set the time aside for it for sure. That’s just a discipline that you need. To do.

And it’s interesting that it’s a promise for both the present life and the life to come.

Yes.

Interesting.

1 Corinthians10:31, so whether you eat a drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

The school that I used to work at, this was one of our core verses.

And I always love this verse because it always, as an athlete, as a dancer, it made us also think, what are we putting in our bodies?

Why are we doing it? What is our motivation? Are we doing things for the glory of God?

Are we being self indulgent? Are we being selfish?

And I feel like not only can we spend the couple minutes that we’re eating and drinking, being purposeful, right?

But we can also do the opposite.

We can just put junk in.

And what happens when you just keep putting junk in, I’m watching junk, I’m eating junk, I’m saying junk, I’m thinking junk.

You know, it just sort of has this cycle that goes along.

But if I’m literally doing it for the glory of God, it helps me to go, oh, I can actually be more healthy about this.

I love Isaiah 30:5. This is what the sovereign Lord, the Holy one of Israel says, in repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.

So.

So they should have done it.

But, you know, that rest is mentioned.

Repentance and rest.

That’s part of our salvation is actually taking that time to refuel and have that quiet time with the Lord.

That is our salvation.

It saves us.

So good.

And what does verse 18 say?

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you. Therefore he will rise up to show you for Lord.

So good.

I know, I love that.

Well, we’ve talked a lot about body and soul and the connection. We’ve talked about self-care, self- denial, self-neglect. We’ve talked about sometimes where the guilt and the shame come from.

And hopefully how do you break out of that cycle if you’re in that cycle.

I hope today was a helpful conversation. I hope that you were able to glean something that is relevant in your life, not give power to people who are manipulating you – holding things over you.

Would anybody want to pray for us today?

All righty.

Let’s pray.

Father, God, thank you for this time.

Thank you for these friends that we can gather and we can talk.

We can just kind of go through some ideas with one another.

We know that you want the best for us.

And that includes time with you.

That includes rest from the rushing and the busyness and all that we think we need to do, God.

You just call us to come and sit at your feet.

You want to spend that time, time with us.

Help us to prioritize that, to do that first, and then go on with our day, help us to prioritize the things that we need to do.

We ask these things and in your name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Thank you, Jesus.

Ooh.

Okay.

Well, we have a reflection of the week.

And so this reflection for this week is, “Where might God be inviting you to care for yourself without guilt this week.”

So if you want to answer that, you can head on over to our website, lifeclaimed.net.

So thanks for sitting at the table with us.

We’ll leave you there for now.

May God meet you in the small, quiet places this week.

As we close, we pray that you would notice Jesus meeting you in the ordinary moments of your week.

He loves you.

He sees you.

He is fighting for you.

To answer the reflection of the week, go to life reclaimed.net, and you can send us an email or voicemail from there.

If you would like to stay with us , subscribing helps you catch each new conversation as it releases.

Until we are together again, may the grace and peace of Jesus go with you. 

• Psalm 62:5 – Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

• 1 Timothy 4:7b-8 – train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

• 1 Corinthians 10:31 – So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

• Isaiah 30:15 & 18 – This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him!