S2 E9 | Can We Really Change?

Welcome everyone. Thanks for listening to the Life Reclaimed podcast. We
value the time we get to spend with you. My name is Kim and I’m here
around the table with my two good friends.

Brenda

And Cindy.

It is hard to believe that this is our final episode of season two. Can

They’re amazing.

you believe that? I mean, it’s wild. Next week we will have our bonus
episode, which you don’t want to miss, followed by two weeks of mini
episodes. Then we will be back with season three healed. I’m so excited
for this.

Me too.

So make sure you’re following the show and get notified when new
episodes come out.

As always, you can check out our resources and show notes at
lifereclaimed.net. Throughout this season, we’ve been talking about
becoming whole. We’ve talked about our stories, our identity,
boundaries, relationships, longings, and what it means to live whole
even when parts of our lives still feel unfinished. But maybe there’s
one unfinished part that’s particularly hard to live with. Us.

Maybe you’ve had the thought, I should be past this by now. Maybe it’s
an old reaction, a fear, a habit, people pleasing, comparison, anger,
insecurity, or a way of thinking you thought God had already helped you
overcome. So today we want to ask the question most of us have probably
wondered at some point, can we really change?

I don’t know. Can we really change?

And if we can, what does transformation actually look like when it’s
happening slowly, imperfectly, and in real life?

It’s gonna be a challenging conversation today.

That’s a that’s a big question right there. Yep. Well, before we dive
into today’s topic, let’s do a quick check-in. I love these check-ins. I
do.

I learn a lot about you guys.

If you could instantly become really good at something, what would you
choose?

Mine was play the guitar. I’ve

Ooh.

always wanted to learn how to play the guitar and so if I could, I’d
want to be able to do it really well.

That’s cool.

Yeah, mine was playing piano. I used to play, but I thought it’d be so
awesome if I could just sit down and just be a concert pianist and just
and sing. That’d be great too. Sing and play the piano.

I love it. I love that this is all musical. I was gonna say that

You knowhat my second one was? Cooking.

for me. It’s

That’s great. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

like, can I be a good cook?

Like I want it to be natural. I have this friend that we would go on
vacation with and we would go out to dinner or whatever and bring home
leftovers and the next morning she’s using whatever we brought home plus
a few other things and whipping up a gourmet breakfast.

Yeah.

How? She came to my house one time to help me do a painting project and
she was like, Well, what are we gonna have for dinner? I was like, I
don’t know, maybe we’ll order something and she was like, Well let me
see what’s in the refrigerator. I didn’t even knowhatever she made. I
could like really I wanna be able to do that

That is cool.

and play the guitar.

Ha ha ha ha.

Was there anything you wanted to do besides cooking?

I was really struggling with this question

You could even do like, how about a better motorcycle rider? You don’t
have to practice, you just get on and you go.

pop wheelies and jump out Me and my U turns. I so I even said that to my
husband. I was like, Can I be a better motorcycle rider? And he started
laughing ’cause I was like, Yeah, I’m not that good. I do try, but I
need a lot of work still.

There you go. There go. Well, what’s something about yourself that has
genuinely changed over the years that you once weren’t sure ever would?

Mm-hmm. So my sassy girl My sassy girl went from sassy girl to doormat
to the pendulum kind of has swung back to the middle now. So I’ve been
all the gamut. Over a long period of time. Like thirty years.

What about you?

I struggled with this question only because I felt like there’s a lot of
things that

Yeah.

I wanted to change. I think maybe something I never thought would change
would be relying on a man to fill my soul.

Mm.

And I think that through the years it’s been turning to Jesus and like
that’s who fills my soul. So I think that is something I thought, this
is never gonna change.

Yeah. Yeah.

That’s actually beautiful. Yeah.

thank you.

Yeah, I hadn’t thought about that, but the to hear you say it, I mean I
love that so much and I kind of feel that that has been a huge change in
me too. You know, I really felt like I had to be with somebody in order
to be complete. And so then to have this time on my own, I feel I mean
it’s been such a good experience through all of the other stuff, but to
have this come out of it has been really, really awesome. Yeah.

Yeah.

I’m glad you said that.

You’re welcome.

And did you notice it while it was happening or like while you were
going through that transition of thought or did you kind of now you can
look back and see that it happened?

No, I don’t think I noticed it was happening. I think it was so gradual,
I think, and so little baby steps, maybe even like snail crawl. and then
just having this realization of like, I actually turned to Jesus for
what I need. Mm-hmm.

Love That

Now and that realization was like, Okay. I’m reli I need to rely on God
more than I need to rely on my spouse.

That’s amazing. That’s so good.

Sometimes we recognize how far God has brought us. Other times one
reaction or one bad day can make us wonder whether we’ve changed at all.

Every day?

It brings up the idea, I thought I was past this. So have you ever
surprised yourself by falling back into an old reaction, fear, habit, or
way of thinking you thought you’d move beyond?

yeah. One hundred percent. I have I call them old tapes. And they’re
tapes that play in my head that say, You’ll never amount to anything.
You’re just a two-bit dancer. You’re no good. You’re a failure. I have
these old tapes that for years plagued me because they just played and
played in my head from other people, from myself. I mean, there’s a lot
of accumulation to these tapes, right? But they were not healthy. And so
at one point I really started to dive in and ask God, like, where are
the roots of all these tapes? And so we started just snipping those
tapes and we started really turning down the volume of them. And I think
for decades reacted from those old tapes. Even when I was making forward
progress, I would still have those moments where I would just have that
knee-jerk reaction to that old tape and I would respond the exact same
way that I used to. And then later I’d go, Hmm. I don’t think that
showed progress. I think I’m gonna do that again, you know, and have to
go back and correct it or apologize or whatever. But yeah, it took me a
long time to start breaking those tapes. I would venture to say I’m
still breaking them. You know, I’m definitely not at the end. What about
you guys?

Yeah, one of my biggest things was like I guess judgment is the root of
it, like judging other people. I think that’s the root, but then
responding to that person in a negative light, or you know, me thinking
what they’ve done or said is just dumb or ignorant or not right or and
maybe in reality it is, maybe. But it’s not my place judge

To judge it.

it or call them out on it every single time. Yeah. You know, so I spent
a lot of years living in that. Like just being ready to fight. Yeah. I
guess. I you know, I carried a lot of pain, a lot of trauma, a lot of
just I could care less attitude. And I carried it for a really long
time. Yeah. And every so often, man, that rears its pretty ugly head.

And

not and I but I catch myself now. and I I’ve taught myself I guess I you
know, I teach empathy to other people. And you know also

Maybe I should learn how to empathetic.

be empathetic and so Jesus had just over time has softened my heart
towards people and recognizing that everybody has a story. And I’m not
gonna get it right all the time. I’m just not. And nobody is.

Nobody does.

But realizing it before I say something I don’t need to say or I walk
out of the room instead or turn down another aisle in the store even.
yeah. So it happens, but not very often.

That’s amazing. That’s great. How about for you?

Well, I had to really think about it and the behavior that I’m really
trying to move away from has been one of fear. Mm-hmm and I’m good for a
while. I’m really good. And then there’s a trigger. Yes. And I have
really come to kind of understand or look at that as just Satan is the
trigger. He wants to trigger me over the stupidest little things. Right.
He’ll just bring up a memory. you know, I mean, he’s my word. Yeah. You
know, just the just one a look from someone or w someone’s comment and
I’m back there. And so, you know, it surprises me, you know, I feel like
I’ve moved on. But we can be vulnerable, you know, some of those things
and and in that, you know, the what do you tend to tell yourself when
that happens? What do I tell myself?

man. This is

Thing that is key.

You know, I give myself grace now. you know, there’s trauma.

Yeah.

There’s trauma for a lot of us. And these reactions, these things that
throw us back, you know, it it comes from a really deep place and to
beat myself up or over it, you know, I just know that you knowhat? God
is for me. That’s what I have to remind myself. God is for me. So
lighten up,

So who can be against me exactly?

you know, and just give myself that grace and just remind myself I don’t
need to be afraid. God is not the author of fear or confusion.

Right.

And so this is absolutely from Satan.

For sure. That’s so good.

What do you guys tell yourself when it happens?

Remember I have this really loud and very mean inner critic and she
never speaks in grace or mercy or kindness or love. Not once. So when I
mess up and I react from my old tapes and I have a reaction that is not
a positive one to someone or, you know, whatever the situation is, man,
my inner critic just Tackles me and is like, I mean, for real, like she
will just cripple me to the couch. She just will tackle me and say, see,
I told you you weren’t making any progress. See, I told you that you’re
still a failure. See, I told you all that work you’ve been doing is for
nothing. See, I mean, she is so loud. And so I was telling a friend of
mine today, I was like, I have to ask my two questions. Is this true? Is
this absolutely true? I mean, If I don’t start there and then I’m like,
Okay, what does God say? What

Mm-hmm.

does God say about this? And then I usually have to go make the
relationship right.

Yeah. I have a couple I cry out a lot, like, Okay God, I’m so sorry.
Please forgive me. Exactly.

Exactly.

I know that I am your daughter. I am a daughter of the king. And usually
a lot of times Timothy 1: 7 or will come up. You know, God did not make
us timid, but gave us a spirit of power, love and self discipline. And
so I cling To that, like walk in that and that one power is like the
word, like power. He gave you power to overcome this. He gave you power
to walk like Jesus. He gave it to you. Believe it. And I usually have to
say, forgive me for my doubt. It’s usually what it is.

Hmm. Yeah. That’s great.

Well, and yeah, forgive me for my fear because I’m not trusting God in
that circumstance. But I will say I love I was looking for the specific
scripture about God is for me and it’s found in Romans 8: 31
specifically, but if you start at 8: 26 and in the same way the spirit
also helps our weakness for we Do not know how to pray as we should, but
the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
And he who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is
because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And
we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those
who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose, for whom
he foreknew. He also predestined to become conformed to the image of his
son, that he might be firstborn among the brethren, and then thirty And
whom he predestined, these he also called, and whom he called, these he
also justified, and whom he justified, these he also glorified. I just

It’s incredible. Yeah. I love that. It’s funny because even when I’m
praying, sometimes I’ll be like, Holy Spirit groan. Like I don’t even
have the words to say the things I need to say. But you know.

Well that inner that inner critic. You

Yes.

know, if you can just imagine the spirit you know, just praying for you
and groaning for you, he sees that.

Yeah. Yes. Well, I’ve done a lot of work and one of the sessions I did,
we took the inner critic and we took all the boxes that she had access
to and we cleared out the boxes and the inner critic and we closed the
door and locked it. We didn’t let her back in. And it was actually
really helpful. So when she tries to move back in, I’m always like,
sorry, you don’t live here anymore. Doors locked. Like, let me in.

And she’s like,

Like, no, you can’t come. Well This is an interesting question. Can we
be growing even while we’re struggling?

I think that’s when we are growing.

I agree.

Right? That’s when you’re growing. If you’re not struggling.

You don’t have a reason to grow?

Well d yes.

That’s what pushes us towards growth is being in the middle of the
messy.

Being in the middle of it, you know, down and dirty, you’re not gonna
grow until you start to feel that struggle. Mm-hmm. To start to feel
that pull of what I mean, I not to be easy, but right and wrong in your
soul. Right?

Sure.

Like what what does it feel like to do the things or say the things that
you’re doing and saying? And until you recognize that they might not be
the healthy choices.

Right.

You won’t be growing. But a person who can start to see I don’t need to
stay stuck in those ways. Mm-hmm. I do need to change and grow. And I
feel like the older we get, you should see that.

Sometimes.

Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. You should see that.

Yeah, I love that. Well, we mentioned it in the last episode, but let’s
read Romans 7: 15 -25 It’s a little long but totally worth it. So lean
in as we read it. I do not understand what I do for what I want to do, I
do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I
agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do
it, but it is sin living in me.

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful
nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it
out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want
to do. This I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, It is
no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Mm.

So I find this law at work. Although I want to do good, evil is right
there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see
another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind, and
making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a
wretched man I am, or woman.

Who

Rescue me From this body that is subject to death. Thanks be to God who
delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord.

And I love this because it clearly talks about, The struggle is real.
And not only is the struggle real, I mean in these verses, Paul
describes the maddening experience of knowing what he wants to do and
finding himself doing something else. I mean, isn’t that like the story
of each one of us? We like we decide we’re gonna make this great choice
and then the moment comes and you make this really dumb choice and
you’re like, Why did I do that? Right? Scripture doesn’t hide that
struggle. And I love that. I love that scripture makes it that very
evident. And even Paul describes the tension between what he desires and
what he actually does. So I guess my question is, does struggling with
an old pattern mean we haven’t changed? What do think?

I would say no. It doesn’t mean you haven’t changed, ’cause you
recognize it. If you just keep doing it, you don’t even recognize that
you’re stuck in this sinful way or in this pattern of destruction and
only doing evil. You don’t realize it, then you haven’t changed. But if
you start to recognize, why did I snap at my kid? Ooh, why did I bark at
the waitress? Or you know, why did I Throw up my middle finger on the
freeway. Whoops. You know? I mean you these reactions and then you go,
whoa, I’m so sorry. Well, I don’t want to do that.

Right.

You’re changed. Yes. You’re changing. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. And over
time, the more you put in effort and intention to recognize that and go
a different direction, right? One day it won’t be an issue.

Right. What’s a habit will start to fade away and not be that habit.
You’ll catch yourself. Right. And every day we’re a new person. Every
day. Just because of our life experiences from the day before. So we’re
constantly changing. And I mean, if we’re working on it, if we are being
intentional, like you said, I think we are changing. It just sometimes
it’s slower, you know. And then sometimes we backslide. But you know, we
are changing.

Yeah. I don’t like the slow and the backsliding and the circling and the
spiralling. I

Welcome to life.

like the moving forward and making progress and becoming healthy and
better. I mean Ugh why is change so hard?

Well, knowing something isn’t good for us doesn’t automatically make it
easy to stop

That’s true.

Sometimes we’ve practiced a response for years. Sometimes it’s protected
us once. Sometimes there’s fear, hurt, pride, sin, insecurity, or an old
belief underneath the behavior. And sometimes what is familiar simply
feels easier than what is new. Which makes us wonder why is change so
hard?

Yeah.

Why do you think we can know better and still struggle to do
differently?

Well, I think part of it is because we’re not perfect. I mean, let’s
just start there. We’re humans, we live in a fallen world, we are
tempted with sin, and even if it’s not a direct attack from Satan,
there’s still, you know, the fallen humanity. I also think it’s possible
that if I haven’t gotten to the other side of it. So let’s say I’m
dealing with a struggle and I’m trying to get through it and I’m working
through it and I’m learning and I’m growing, but maybe I haven’t gotten
to the other end of it where I no longer feel that struggle. As I’m
working through it, I may defeat myself a couple of times in it because
I went back, I fell back, I did the same behavior or whatever, and I
didn’t make the progress forward. So I feel like it’s possible that. I
want to do it right, but I also am gonna defeat myself and just choose
the bad thing because I know I’m never gonna get it right. You knowhat I
mean? Like it and it’s easier sometimes to accept the bad consequence,
you knowhat I mean? instead of even trying. I’m just saying depends on
the struggle, right? Sometimes

That’s that happened message of well, I am the way I

I am. Exactly. It is what it is. It’s just gonna be the way it’s gonna
be.

Yeah. It’s too much effort to do something different. Yeah. And then
your mind just starts going down other rabbit holes of why you don’t
need to change and everybody else does.

And then just looking at it a little bit differently too, I’m gonna go
back to those triggers because I feel like Satan, I can knowhat I want
to do and I know I want to do better. And he knows that I want to do
better and he does not want me to do better. He is gonna do everything
that he can to prevent me from doing better. So he’s gonna trip me up. I
mean, I just imagine myself just trying to walk up this hill and then
just getting shoved. literally shoved down. Yeah. He wants us to fail.
He wants us to be discouraged. He wants us to give up. All of these
things. And so yes, we’re gonna try to do our best, but again I’m just
gonna go back and say it. We have to give ourselves some grace and just
see ourselves the way God sees us. He knows that we want to do better.
Yeah. You know, and we just need to reach out to him and just ask him
daily Help me do better today.

Yeah.

Help me. Protect me. Please put your angels around me. Keep Satan from
pushing me down again.

And it reminds me, you know, the story we talked about it in our Bible
study group one time, but you know, you’re carrying the baggage. You’re
carrying all of the baggage that you’ve had attached to you through your
lifetime and you’re trying to sprint up this hill and you can’t even
take a slow step, but you’re trying to sprint and then Satan’s just
like,

And

back down you go. You know, let that baggage hold you back.

I picture him up on top of the mountain. He’s like, Watch me flick this
pebble. And then it’s like if the pebble didn’t work, okay, we’re gonna
pick up this rock. Yeah. Huck the rock. Well that rock didn’t work. Here
comes the boulder. Right? Like that’s what I p Yeah. Well I wanna I
kinda wanna dissect off of this idea of Satan a little bit. I’m a firm
believer in strongholds.

Yes, that’s what I was gonna say. This is a stronghold.

Yeah, there are spiritual strongholds. And so if you’re if you’re not
familiar with that, I’m gonna read a definition. Sure. So a spiritual
stronghold is a mental, emotional, or spiritual belief that opposes God.
So whether you think it, feel it, okay, it opposes God’s truth and it
blocks his plan in our lives. So there are places where the enemy finds
a foothold to hinder our spiritual growth. And so you can have a
stronghold of pride, a stronghold of self-reliance, a stronghold of
fear. Like these are areas that a spiritual battle is taking place for
you. and they want to keep you from preventing from doing essentially
what God had planned for you to do from the beginning, which is to be
his child and walk like Christ and bring others to Christ. And so
Ephesians 2: 10, for we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to
do God’s work, which God prepared in advance for us to do. And it’s
Satan’s number one goal is to make sure you don’t do that.

Right. Right.

And so sometimes I believe we need more than just the reading of a
scripture. Sure. Or we need more than just a simple prayer. I find
myself like Having this stronghold of self-reliance needed more of a
group prayer. Like, I need more people praying. Maybe I need some hands
laid on me and prayed over me and and to lift that stronghold and help
fight it and help battle it. and so if you feel like you’ve been stuck
in something and you have tried all these like I’ve been praying, I’ve
been reading scripture and you’re still really battling. I would
encourage you to seek a church or a community that believes in laying
hands on people and praying for

Intercessory prayer, man. Let’s just call it what it is. Exactly. I
don’t think I could have made it through this lifetime without my prayer
warriors. Throughout the different stages. The Lord has brought me
different prayer warriors in different seasons, but that intercessory
prayer has moved mountains in my life. I mean, we can point to the
prayers and then we watched it happen. It just opened doors and Allowed
things to happen and moved things out of the way that we thought were
immovable. I mean, they were never gonna get out of the way. And they
just like disappeared.

And it’s amazing that God works that

So

way. ’Cause sometimes your trauma, past experiences, your you know,
what’s been told to you can be so ingrained into your system that the
devil has a huge stronghold

Yeah.

and foothold in your life. And you know, I’m a firm believer in
deliverance.

Yeah.

You may have something just hanging on to you that needs to be prayed
out of you. Yeah.

And pray

Yeah, yeah.

on your own and God hears your prayers for sure. But then we know where
two or three or more are gathered in his name, he’s there. I mean, just
imagine that. Your your friends are there laying hands on you, praying
for you, and Jesus is there too, you know, and just having that release
of that stronghold.

I also think strongholds and giving the devil a foothold into your life
doesn’t always mean that Satan himself even actively has to do it
because Satan is not like God. He’s not omnipresent. So he’s not
everywhere all the time. But I think what happens is he plants this
crazy seed and you’ve got this stronghold and this this thing that’s
happening and you do the work. He doesn’t even have to do the work on
you sometimes. And so You’re the one who keeps yourself from entering
back into the presence of God, from getting delivered from that, from
being released from that stronghold. And so you go back to that
stronghold and back to that stronghold and Satan is just like on to the
next person because you’re already in this bad cycle and you’re not even
pulling yourself out of it. So that intercessory prayer is so good
because they can step in for you. Exactly.

Exactly.

You know, they can step in when you’re just cycling.

Have you ever discovered that something you were trying to change on the
surface had something deeper underneath it?

I think we’ve talked a lot about that.

I feel like that’s my whole life, guys. man.

There’s always the thing beneath the thing. Right. That’s like my new my
new saying.

There’s a thing beneath the thing. Exactly. I think I’ve got like four
more layers of that though. There’s a thing beneath the thing beneath
the thing, and then there’s that other thing, and that’s where it all
came from.

Odds are if you are trying to change something, it came from somewhere.
It yeah. It started somewhere. It was birthed somewhere in some
experience, in some sin that you did or was done to you. and that
doesn’t necessarily have to be something huge.

Yeah.

It could have just been okay, I’m gonna give you maybe too much
information, but I dated a man young. And he told me that I had great
birthing hips.

Ho ho ho ho ho

Wow.

What?

Yeah. That has stuck.

How old were you?

Mm twenty one? Twenty two. Now mind you, my friends, I dated this man
for a year and I think part of my sin, I didn’t know God at the time. I
was drunk almost that whole year. Like it was

It was

a it was a rough year. and that just led to one more horrible
relationship. Like it just Taking more verbal abuse, like one after
another. And I and so those seeds get planted in you. And a lot of us
women have experienced those things and we don’t talk about it. Yeah.
And you gotta talk about it because thoughts and triggers come to mind
and you’re like, where did that come from? Oh, it came from that exact
moment. My self consciousness about my body started in that moment.

So I was thirteen and I was dancing with a dance partner. He was about
ten years older than me and in our studio there were all these I call
sticks, all these girls that were very much dancer look material. And I
have some curves. I’m a little bit of a curvy girl. And so we were doing
this lift and he dropped me and I didn’t get hurt, thankfully. But I was
kind of mad. That he dropped me. Yeah. And he looked at me and he goes,
Well, if you looked like those girls, I wouldn’t have this problem. At
thirteen. At thirteen. Yeah. To which I internalized that to say, Well,
you’re just fat. So you need to lose all this weight. It was decades
later till I finally thought, actually. If you would have just worked
out at a gym, you wouldn’t have no dropped me. I wasn’t fat. I mean, I
have curveys but I’m a girl, so you know, deal with the curves

You’re muscular. I mean

But it took me a long time to realize that didn’t just have to land on
me. It could have landed on him. He sh maybe should go to the gym and
work out and get a little stronger.

Awesome.

But it’s that kind of thing, right? Where that comment Started this
string of bad decisions, you know, and how long did it take me to break
that internal thought?

And you carry it into the next for sure part of your life, the next
season. It’s just all carry that baggage. Go back to that baggage.

Put that one in a really big suitcase.

Have you ever watched the show How I Met Your Mother? Sorry.

No. Okay. Sorry.

Nobody judged me. I live in a house with well, it’s during the time with
all the girls. Like, it’s it’s a funny show. but there is one episode
where they’re they’re like dating different people and they have this
conversation about people’s baggage, but they literally there’s a scene
with suitcases. Yeah. And, you know, And it’s like ti each suitcase is
is titled, you know, like his father left, doesn’t do laundry, mama
screamed at her, like all the all the different things. And it makes you
wonder, like, wow, when you look at someone like what’s in their
suitcases?

Yes. I mean that’s how I envision it. And I envision it with the big
straps that go around it when you’re traveling and they’re all connected
and jumbled. And you’ve got like the satchel and you’ve got the like
bags and you’ve tr you’re trying to carry one on your head. You got the
like you’ve got all these

And you’re pulling the donkey behind you.

bags. And I think this is why the Lord gave me the words healthy, whole
and healed. I mean this is kind of what was happening. Kind of came full
circle. I just I needed to drop all the bags and let him Blow them up
and get rid of the roots. And so that’s literally how this whole thing
got birthed.

Unlock those suitcases and dump ’em out.

Lock the door, Kick them out, lock the door, don’t let it back in. Well,
have you ever had a healthier response feel uncomfortable simply because
it was unfamiliar?

Mine is dropping to my knees and praying on

I love that

I s just so uncomfortable and even still now even though I love that
time, it’s just so uncomfortable. It takes me a minute to like, why am I
here? And and I’m on my knees to have this conversation because I
desperately need you, Jesus. And then I go back to that sometimes I
don’t even knowhat I’m gonna say when I’m on my knees and I just like
babble like, Okay, spirit, you knowhat I need. I don’t even knowhat I
need half the time. Yeah. I think I knowhat I need, but you knowhat I
need.

And the stuff I’m gonna ask for is probably not the right stuff anyway.

Exactly. But that is definitely definitely something that feels
uncomfortable.

Yeah. Do you have any?

Well, you know, the setting of boundaries when

That was so hard for me.

my goodness

You haven’t ever. Yeah. Feels really weird.

It does.

Yes.

That’s a great example.

not being able to speak, having having been quieted, you know, and then
finally being able to have an opinion. Wow, you really care about what I
think? That’s amazing. Well

Yeah

yeah, it feels weird, but you know.

I love that. I think I think love is hard for me to accept. And I think
having healthy love responses can sometimes feel uncomfortable. Not that
I wasn’t loved. There’s certainly a lot of people in my life who have
been so good to me and loved me well. But I think in my brain I just
have sometimes not always sorted that out correctly. And so I think for
me, that definitely like for instance, this is we talked about this
before. I had someone who would come and yell at me in stressful moments
and having Andrew who now shows up and is like, It’s okay. We’re gonna
take care of this. It’s not a problem. Like that is so uncomfortable for
me because I’m expecting the the rage. I’m ex I may you know, I’m
expecting the explosion and then I don’t even end up getting that. I get
this kindness and I get this gentleness and I get this this love in a
way that I’m just like, So do I act mad at you to get the explosion?
Like how does that work? You know? And yeah, that took a w a little
while to get used to.

Hmm. Another piece of scripture we’d like to look at is Ephesians 4:
22 – 24 Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life,
which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead let the Spirit renew
your thoughts and attitudes, put on your new nature, created to be like
God, truly righteous and holy. Biblical transformation aka changing
isn’t merely try harder. God changes the way we think, which begins
changing the way we live.

Which is amazing.

We spent a lot of the season talking about what God is restoring, but
maybe it’s worth looking backward and asking how some of that
restoration actually happened. In other words, what actually changes us?
So think of an area where you know you are genuinely different today.
What actually changed you?

Hmm.

I immediately thought of the scripture that tells us renew your mind

Yes.

and thinking, well, how did I renew my mind? And I honestly believe in
my soul that the change came from spending time with God in his word
with Jesus, crying, laughing, being awestruck and even being flounder
like floundering like and bringing it all to God. And otherwise I would
have just been relying on worldly messages. And so I wouldn’t have had
any change.

Yeah. That’s good.

I mean there’s a lot. It there’s a lot. You know, and I think if I if I
go back where I’m talking about my fearfulness, you know, just afraid of
everything, afraid to make the wrong decision, so don’t make any
decision. Yeah. You know, just afraid, living in fear, you know, And
then realizing okay, this isn’t how God wants me to live.

Yeah.

This isn’t

Yeah.

You know, and and it scripturally, you know, wisdom starts with the fear
of the Lord, but it’s

That’s not the same.

not the same fear. That’s a healthy respect.

Yes.

Yeah. And so coming to understand that I you know, I can’t live like
that, I think. And then removing myself from the situation that caused
me that to live that way. I mean, what actually changed me? moving out
of it.

Yes.

Finding a support group that really, you know, just supported that
decision and you know, having the small group praying with me and, you
know, just the encouragement. and it didn’t happen overnight. Yeah. You
know, it took a long time, you know, going on two years. But I am
different today.

A bunch. Like different

You’re so

today than when we first met. I mean, I feel like we all are.

Yeah.

We are. Right? We’ve all really dumped some of the baggage that we were
carrying through life together. We’ve we’ve set it down and we’ve picked
up other things that I think are more healthy and more wise. Yeah. So
that’s amazing.

I think we the three of us and several of the ladies in our group, we
would say transformation has happened. Yes like we’ve seen God’s word.

Yeah, come alive.

Yes. And can testify to those miracles.

Yes.

It they are. It is miracles.

I mean, one of we literally prayed at family night and that made a huge
difference. Yes. You know, I mean, it’s just it’s been amazing to watch
God work in each other’s lives. And I think that is actually also
something that I’ve really clung to as we’ve been changing. Seeing God
work in your life and in your life and in their lives, and in you know,
watching these progressions of healing happen has been super inspiring
for me personally because we are no longer the same people we were but
also like look what the Lord has done. I mean… it’s incredible. Yeah I
say it again.

we’ve talked about how important community is and this is why because of
the encouragement and seeing what God’s doing in other people it does
lift our spirits. It causes us to grow closer in our walk

Yes.

to the Lord. And so that’s why we need one another.

It also makes us grateful and gives us gratitude. Yes. Because I can be
grateful for what he’s doing for you. I can be grateful you knowhat I
mean? Even if I didn’t see me today, I didn’t see something in my life.
I can go, Lord, I know you did this in Brenda’s. I know you did this in
Cindy’s. You know I mean? Like I think that just adds to it. It’s so, so
important. Yeah. When I was going through eight and a half years of not
being able to walk and I was in excruciating pain to the point of I
can’t even describe how painful it was, everyone kept saying, How are
you not giving What are you doing that it’s ’cause I should have gone
out on disability. I should just be laying on the floor you know, in the
room. Like I should not have tried to keep working. I should Have had a
bad attitude. I should have been mad at God, all of the things, right?
And the way I kept going was I A depended on God for every ounce of
strength I could get. B prayer in the word, all those things. But I
would get to a place where I had to listen to sermon after sermon after
sermon. I had to feed my soul. I had to put on worship music. I had to
stay focused on what was higher so that I wasn’t focused on my pity
little problem of being in excruciating pain. You know? And so I had to
really work hard to get my brain above the pain so that I was driven to
the call on my life and willing to do his work still for the students
that I was serving. But I really Without the renewing of my mind, you
know, through his word, through prayer, through the sermons, through the
music, I don’t know how I would have made it through that time.
Honestly. Like that really made a difference for me.

Well another scripture that we can look at is James 1: 22 – 25 It says,
But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. It’s so
obvious. So

Hard.

otherwise you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word
and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see
yourself, you walk away and forget what you look like. But if you look
carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it
says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing
it.

It’s so good. I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker was
talking about when the Bible says the word listen in the context of when
it was written, obey is with that word. It’s naturally understood that
you listen and obey. But we in English don’t put those two together. So
sometimes

So

you listen but you don’t necessarily obey.

What is the difference between trying harder to become a better person
and allowing Christ to transform us?

Well, you just can’t do it.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So

We we can’t. We can’t do it on our own. we I’m sure everybody you’ve
tried. Right. And

Yeah. More than once.

Yes. And you need Christ to help you. You need him to transform you.
’Cause only he can.

Yeah. Yeah, let’s go back to salvation for a minute. If I could try
harder to earn my way into heaven, we wouldn’t have needed Jesus’
sacrifice. Okay, well this is the same thing. If I could try harder to
be a better person, then I wouldn’t need Jesus’ transformation inside of
me. I

You wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit.

wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit. And so I think this is Built in and baked
in to the truth of salvation. You can’t do it on your own.

That’s well said. Mm-hmm.

Well, when change doesn’t look like what we expected, that is that is a
thing, right? Maybe one reason we miss God’s work is because we’re
looking for dramatic transformation. But sometimes change looks
surprisingly ordinary or not at all like we expected. Maybe we still
feel fear, but fear doesn’t make the decision anymore. Or maybe you’re
still tempted to people please, but occasionally You say the honest no,
I’m still

Yeah.

Maybe you still get angry, but you recognize it sooner and repair the
damage faster. Maybe the thought still comes, but you don’t
automatically believe it. What are some small signs that someone might
actually be changing even when they don’t feel dramatically different?

I think when somebody says something or responds to a situation and then
they’re like talking at it, talking, talking, talking about it, still
maybe something aggravated them and so they’re highly aggravated and you
get down a couple miles down the road and And all of a sudden they’re
like, I don’t know why that aggravated me so much. I think that is a
sign that somebody is changing.

Yeah.

Because maybe before they’d have just stayed aggravated or not even
addressed the aggravation to begin with.

Mm-hmm.

I love that when you said that the person is actually asking the
question, Why did that bother me? That in and of itself self

The recognition of it.

yeah, self-recognition that okay, what what’s really upsetting me here?
People that don’t do that, people that just get mad, just blow up and
then just keep going rather than asking that question. I mean I think
that is really great evidence that a person is growing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they still got mad. But that’s the start of the change.

Yes.

So recognition and then I think reconciliation. Mm-hmm. If if someone
comes to you and is like, Hey, yesterday I said this and I saw the look
in your eyes and I realize I may have hurt you and I actually just I
wanna clarify, are you okay? Did I say something that offended you?
Because I really that wasn’t what I intended. Right? When I’ve had
people who’ve come to me with that sort of humble heart, that to me
didn’t say that they were Trying to people please or any of those
things, it showed me they were on the journey. Right? They were a little
bit farther ahead of me at the time. But they were in the journey of
trying to change, to make sure that the words that were coming out of
their mouth were holy and uplifting and building other people up. And I
think that’s a sign, right?

I agree.

Yeah. Any other signs? I think the miniature fruit of the spirit signs
too.

Mm-hmm.

When you start to see love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
gentleness, all of those self control. I mean when you start to see the
fruit of the spirit coming out of someone naturally, not ’cause they’re
trying, it’s just flowing out of them. It starts small usually, right?
And it may or one.

And it may only be one or two. Or maybe just one.

Yeah.

No, I agree. Well, could recognizing an old pattern sooner actually be
evidence of growth?

Yeah, I think we’ve decided yes. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Have you ever looked backward and realized God has
changed something in you so gradually that you almost missed it?

Yeah. All the time.

And I have one.

Okay.

So when I would listen to people like I’m having a conversation, I
wouldn’t really listen.

You were not using your active listening skills that they taught you in
teacher school? Come on.

I’m like maybe maybe some of it. Like already rehearsing what I wanted
to say or what I had already wanted to be talking about, not what you’re
talking about. I want to be talking about what I want to talk about.
Yes. And I have caught myself all of a sudden and go, I’m like really
listening to

Yeah.

Like I wanna hear it. I want to hear the story. I want to empathize with
whatever your story is. I want to be able to, you know, build the
relationship. And I find myself doing it and didn’t even realize this is
happening. And I actually today had a conversation with a woman and I
started to cry. And I was like, why am I crying? She probably thinks I’m
crazy. She said something that triggered me. So I was really listening
to her because it it triggered in me emotions that I wasn’t even
Expecting. Yeah.

Expand.

Yeah. I love that God has done that in me because I feel like I get to
be present

Yeah.

and like have better friendships because of it.

Man, you’ve got good interpersonal skills. I try.

I’m trying. I love people.

Well, Zechariah four ten says Do not despise these small beginnings, for
the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in
Zerubbabel’s. hand. This is about the building of the temple and God’s
work through Zerubbabel’s. although I think the principle might apply to
us in this situation. God’s people were warned not to dismiss what
looked small. And I think being able to start recognizing those small
changes within us, I think that’s God honoring.

I agree. I never looked at it that way, but I agree.

And that’s what encourages us to keep going and we do start experiencing
bigger changes. Right. You have to recognize also.

The small steps.

stuff. I was thinking about different people in the Bible and their
stories and the first step was to come to Jesus.

Yes.

And then even after they came to Jesus, they still battled with whatever
their struggle was, right? Like Peter, you know, chopped off an ear
because he’s just like I’m done with you.

No patience

No right? No patience. No, he denied Jesus, so he still had doubt. You
know, they struggled like Paul even, right? Doing things he didn’t he
knew he shouldn’t do.

Yes.

So and they were lovers and followers of Jesus. Like they loved him.

They’re in his inner circle.

And so I think we need to recognize that the first step is turning to
Jesus. But then Pay attention to all the baby steps after that. Yes.
’Cause you will be transformed. It’s just gonna take time.

I was gonna say you might not be changing. And if you’re not changing,
it could be that you’re not actually in the presence of God. Because
like you just said, yeah.

Yes.

If you are in the presence of the Lord, you’re gonna change.

gonna change you for sure.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And in Proverbs 24: 16 it says The godly may trip seven times.

Or seventy times seven.

But they will get up again. Mm-hmm. But one disaster is enough to
overthrow the wicked. So if you don’t have the hope of God in your life,
you may not want to get up and keep going.

Yeah, actually I feel like that’s been true several times when, you
know, you’re in the middle of a disaster and you just kind of give up
because you don’t have that energy or that drive to keep going. And how
interesting to look at that they’re gonna fall, but you’re gonna get up
and keep going. So come on, let’s go. Get on up.

Exactly. Well, transformation doesn’t mean we never stumble. The
question becomes what we do when we recognize that we’ve returned to an
old way of thinking or behaving. What’s the difference between falling
into an old pattern and deciding to live there again?

Yeah, I don’t really want to live in my old patterns and I don’t want to
live in my old beliefs and I really don’t want to live with my old
knee-jerk reactions because I would have a trigger, I have an automatic
response to that, and every time that happens, nothing healthy or good
comes out of it. Right. So I really, really don’t want to go back into
living there. And even if I have that moment where I have that knee-jerk
reaction, I wanna come quickly and keep that short account and fix it as
fast as I can on a good day when I’m really working on it.

Yeah.

Do decide to live there?

I know.

Yeah.

No

I mean we all have at one point. Yeah. We’ve all lived there.

it’s just sad.

Ha ha ha.

It is, but that again shows how much growth we’ve had for ourselves that
we recognize that we don’t.

Want to live there anymore.

There’s something so much better. What does repentance look like without
sliding into shame?

I don’t know, I don’t think I’m equipped to handle or answer this
question, so one of you is gonna have to take it.

I think that that looks like somebody who can move forward who can admit
that there are things they need to repent for, but then be able to be
humble enough to know that they could go there again.

Sure.

And so therefore we’re gonna seek Jesus so that we don’t do that.

He doesn’t want us to live in shame. If you if you are repentant, and
you just accept the love and forgiveness of your father, I think you’re
just moving away from the shame. The shame is what you have before you
repent. So, I don’t know,

That would be the goal, right? To move away from it. ’Cause that’s not
where God wants you. I think that I have been repentant and continued to
live in shame.

Yeah, me too.

And so that’s easy to identify. It’s

Yeah.

easier to identify. You know, it’s somebody who I think about for for me
who can cower down to the lies and to the blame and the aggression and
get caught up in my nervous system and and collapse within and not share
the love of Jesus.

Mm-hmm. I think it looks like can I say the opposite? I think the
opposite is unforgiveness within yourself.

Mm-hmm.

So if the reverse of that then is I’ve gone to Jesus, I’ve asked for
forgiveness, he’s forgiven me. What keeps me in shame is my
unforgiveness of what I’ve done. And that’s where that loop just plagues
you and just keeps you stuck. And so if I truly am working in the
spirit, I have to be able to recognize that I also have to forgive
myself. And when I’ve been able to forgive myself for whatever, right,
then I can move out of that shame cycle. I don’t know. What do you
think? I

I agree. I think that’s something women we especially struggle with is
forgiving ourselves. Yeah. We have all the roles that we’ve played from
daughter to wife to mother

Mm.

to sister to all of the roles and each role that we feel like we’ve been
not sufficient enough for

Yes.

you know, we can say, Man Wasn’t a good wife, wasn’t a good mom, you
know, whatever blame that we take, but that’s not where God has for us.
So when we’ve sought out repentance with God, part of that repentance is
in having those doubts. Because he is bigger and better. I agree.

Well then how can we respond differently to ourselves when God reveals
an area that still needs transformation? How do we not slip into that
shame?

I was gonna say you to be kind to yourself. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, can I mention grace again? Yes. Yeah.

Yes. Wait, say it again. Sorry.

You have to be kind to yourself. You have to give yourself grace. Try to
see yourself the way God sees you.

And I think one of the biggest struggles with this is when he reveals
something and you’re like, You know how long I’ve been doing that? Why
are we just now getting this revealed?

Ha ha ha.

A long time, God. And then his answer is usually like, Yes, I know. And
I’ve been telling you for a long time too. But now you’re finally
hearing me. Yes. Right? Like or we had we had other things we had to
work through before We got this one.

That’s so good.

And can failure actually become part of how God changes us?

Yeah.

Yes, it can. Not because failure is good, but because sometimes it
exposes what still needs surrender, healing, truth, accountability and
grace. Mm-hmm.

So I’m going to take us out of spirituality for a minute. In the
business world, there’s a few sayings, but one of them is fail fast and
fail early. When you’re trying to build a business, the reason they want
you to fail fast, fail early, is because before you get too far down the
road, have all this money invested, you’ve got the, people behind you,
your investors and your board and all of those things. They want you to
fix the problems in the beginning, recognize where the problems are,
solve it so that you can fail fast, fail quick, and get to the right
product. Okay. But let’s take that business principle for a minute.
Okay. And let’s see when we apply it kind of in the spiritual realm. If
we fail and we forget to get up and we don’t try to get to the next
iteration, then we’re not actually moving forward into God’s kingdom
where he’s able to use us as well. Because if we can get through some of
these imperfections that we have that he wants to heal and restore and
use, then maybe it’s possible if we fail early, fail fast, we can get
through some of these cycles and not actually carry them into the future
of what he’s called us to, or stop ourselves from, you know, making some
of these amazing choices that he has in store for us. But because what
happens sometimes I think and I could be totally wrong, so this is my
personal opinion, I think that we can get into a situation, have a
failure and then just sit down.

Yeah.

Right. Because we don’t want to be a failure. So we just sit down. And
they call it failure avoidance instead of error recovery. We talked
about this on one of our episodes before. But if you avoid failure, you
can’t ever learn error recovery. You just you can’t. Right. And so
you’ve got to be able to push through the failure. So that you can turn
around and go, okay, why didn’t that work? What do I need to fix? What
do I need to change? How do I need to approach that differently? Right.
You’ve got to take in that logical mindset for a minute. And I think,
even though we’re talking about spiritual things, I think some of that
can still apply, right? Is when I’ve gone through those moments of
failure, did I just keep chugging into that failure again? Or did I stop
and turn around and go, hmm. Let’s let’s figure out how to avoid that
next time. Right. You know? Right.

That brings us back to reflection.

Yeah.

Reflecting on what we’ve learned. I mean, that’s really what life is in
all areas. Mm-hmm. What am I learning? I made a mistake. What’s the
error? How do I fix the error?

Yeah.

How can I make it, where that’s not a problem anymore? Or how can I make
it better? You know, if it failed the first time. So I definitely think
failure is designed To grow you in all areas of life.

Right, what am I avoiding? That I need to I need to go ahead and just do
it, go through it.

Yeah.

Gotta go through it to get to the other side.

Yep. I just think reminding ourselves that a failure moment does not
make me a failure. Right.

Right. It doesn’t define you.

Doesn’t define me. And I could have several failure moments and they
still don’t make me a failure.

Exactly Well 1 John 1: 9 teaches us but if we confess our sins to him he
is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all
wickedness.

I love this verse.

So an example of a sin cycle would be I recognize it, I don’t hide it, I
bring it to God, I receive his forgiveness, I get back up, I keep
walking.

I wonder what part of that cycle you’ve been stopped.

Is the hardest to do or

Or just which one you got stuck in. Mm-hmm. Because I think each one of
those has the potential to have a stuck moment. You know?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

And that is why Romans 8: 1 says, So now there is no condemnation for
those who belong to Christ Jesus. We don’t have to hide in guilt and
shame. Because of what Jesus has already done for us, we can bring our
sin into the light, receive his forgiveness, and keep walking with him.
Amen.

Amen. I’m so grateful for that. And after everything that we’ve talked
about, not just today, but throughout this season, we’ve been talking
all about becoming whole. Let’s come back to the question we started
with. Can we really change? Why do we believe that? And before you
answer that, think about Peter for a minute. We were just talking about
him, right? Look at the man Jesus first called in the gospels compared
With the man we see preaching in Acts. How much transformation did he go
through during that time? You know, the impulse of Peter, I’ll never
deny you, Peter, cuts off an ear, Peter, denies Jesus three times,
Peter, restored by Jesus, Peter, and then Acts, not the perfect Peter,
but changed Peter definitely. And then even later, Paul has to confront
him in Galatians. Transformation didn’t turn him into a flawless human
being, but he loved Jesus and spent his life telling others about Him

Mm. Where have you seen Jesus change you?

I’m gonna coin one of our other friend’s words for the year. He’s made
me a little softer. Shout out to our friends.

What would you say to the woman listening who has started believing this
is just who I am. I’ll always be this way.

Growth mindset.

Those are just lies from the pit of hell.

Amen. Don’t believe the lie.

Believe the lie. Right.

Right. And what we said earlier, just you can’t be in the presence of
Jesus and not change. And so search for him.

Yes. Run. Run.

Unto him.

I think all of us have run to Jesus and like laid at his feet. And

Mm-hmm.

just been like, blah, here it is. Take my life, take my house, take my
family, take my job, take my everything and do what you will do with it.
And take me on that journey. If you take only one thing away from this
episode, let it be this. Real change is possible in Christ. The name of
our Bible study group, Anything is Possible. That is why it’s called
that. Transformation may be slower and messier than we expect, but an
old struggle doesn’t erase God’s new work. Hear that. An old struggle
doesn’t mean God’s not at work. As we surrender to Christ, renew our
minds, respond to the Spirit, and take faithful steps forward, He
continues making us more like Him.

This week we have two reflection questions because one looks backward
and one looks forward. Where can you see evidence that God has already
changed you? And what is one area where he may be inviting you to take
the next faithful step?

2 Corinthians 3: 18 says, So all of us who have had that veil removed
can see and reflect the glory of God, and the Lord, who is the Spirit,
makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious
image.

I love that verse. It’s so good. And Ezekiel 36: 26 and 27 And I will
give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take
out your stony, stubborn heart, and give you a tender, responsive heart.
And I will put my spirit in you, so that you will follow my decrees and
be careful to obey my regulations.

I love those promises.

I know. Please take my stony hard heart out. Especially Yeah.

Make me tender.

Especially when my stony hard heart is toward God. Right? I don’t want
that.

Yes. Titus 3: 4 – 7 But when God our Savior revealed his kindness and
love, he saved us not because of the righteous things we had done, but
because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and
new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit
upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of His grace, He made
us right in His sight and gave us confidence. That we will inherit
eternal life. Amen. So good.

We’ve talked all season about becoming whole, and maybe part of
wholeness is learning to see ourselves the way God does.

Not pretending the old patterns aren’t there, not excusing the places
where we still need to grow.

But also not allowing one hard day, one old reaction, or one unfinished
place to convince us that nothing has changed. Mm-hmm.

That has been at work.

He is at work.

And he isn’t finished.

The hope of the gospel isn’t simply that we can try harder to become
better people.

It’s that Jesus makes us new.

Let’s pray. Lord Heavenly Father, we love you. We come before you asking
you to continue the transformation that you have begun in each one of
us. That you would speak through your Holy Spirit to guide us, to reveal
to us what may need to change, and to reveal the steps that we’ll need
to make to take that change. Lord, we trust in you. We pray for each
woman listening to this podcast that they would cling to you and the
hope that you give them in their transformation. Lord, we ask that you
would take these words that you have spoken and pour them into someone’s
soul, that they would feel uplifted, that they would feel a release of
anything they’ve been holding on to That’s just been holding them down,
weighing them. Lord, we ask that they would forgive themselves and that
they would seek you and turn and walk in that forgiveness that you have
promised. Lord, we love you. We give you all the glory and every miracle
and transformation that you have brought into the lives of every
listener. We love you and we praise you. Amen.

Amen.

Amen. Man, our last official episode of season two. Next time, bonus
episode. Thanks for joining us around the table.

We’ll leave you there for now.

May God continue to bring you wholeness.

Romans 8:26–31 –  In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

2 Timothy 1:7 – For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Romans 7:15–25 –  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 4:22–24 – You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put offyour old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

James 1:22–25 –  Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Zechariah 4:10 – Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.

Proverbs 24:16 – The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.

1 John 1:9 – But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

Romans 8:1 – “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” We don’t have to hide in guilt and shame. Because of what Jesus has already done for us, we can bring our sin into the light, receive His forgiveness, and keep walking with Him.

2 Corinthians 3:18 – So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.

Ezekiel 36:26–27 – And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.  And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.

Titus 3:4–7 – But— When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love,  he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.

Podcasts

Jennie Allen – Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts
A practical, Scripture-centered look at recognizing destructive thought patterns, interrupting the spiral, and learning to take our thoughts captive.

The Jennie Allen Podcast – “Get Out of Your Head (Again)”
Jennie revisits the patterns of thinking that can keep us stuck and explores how truth can begin forming new pathways in the way we think.

Therapy & Theology with Lysa TerKeurst – “The Lies We Tell Ourselves”
Lysa TerKeurst, counselor Jim Cress, and theologian Joel Muddamalle explore the lies and internal narratives that can shape how we see ourselves and respond to life. 

Books

The Bible
This episode explores several passages about transformation, renewing our minds, repentance, grace, and becoming more like Christ. We encourage you to spend time with the Scriptures listed above and ask God where He may already be at work in you.

Community

Your Local Church or Christian Community
Transformation was never meant to happen in isolation. Consider reaching out to trusted Christian friends, a small group, pastor, or prayer team for encouragement, accountability, and prayer as you work through old patterns or areas where you feel stuck.