S2 E3 | Identity Before Performance

S2 E3 | Identity Before Performance

Welcome to Life Reclaimed, a place for honest conversations about faith, healing, in real life.

We are three friends learning to walk in freedom and trust God through the messy middle.

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Let’s dive in.

Welcome to the Life Reclaimed Podcast. We’re so glad you’ve joined us today.

My name is Kim, and I’m here around the table with my two friends, Brenda and Cindy.

If you’re joining us for the first time, welcome.

Here at Life Reclaimed we have honest conversations about faith, healing, and following Jesus through every season of life.

This season, we’re exploring what it means to become whole.

If you’d like to go a little deeper this season, we’ve created a companion guide along with reflection, questions, scripture, and space to journal.

You can find it along with all of our resources at LifeReclaimed.net

Okay.

Today’s quick check-in question is this.

Where do you most feel like yourself?

I thought about this, and for me, there’s something about going home to my parents.

Oh, I love that

That’s really just sweet.

Because I’ve been able to spend a lot of time with them lately, but I feel like when I walk through the door, I don’t have to pretend to be anything at all, you know?

I love that.

Yeah.

They know me.

That’s so sweet.

It makes me want to tear up a little bit.

I know.

I never even thought about that, but I think there’s so much truth in that.

Yeah, it’s beautiful.

I had a really hard time with this question.

Okay.

Only because I feel like there’s several different places. And I was like, well, what does it mean to like, to be myself?

What does that even mean? So I thought about the water.

Yes.

But then I like, well, that’s the part of me that just feels at peace.

Is that all of me?

Not always.

You know, I I thought about being with my kiddos, my family.

Love that.

You know, but again, is that all of me? And so I actually decided that I think one of the places where I feel like I can be all of me is with my small group.

I thought about that too.

You guys.

I thought about that too.

Yeah.

I just feel when you’re surrounded by people who are on the same journey.

Yeah, that I think is where I can like let it all, all hang loose, you know, and they wrap themselves around me getting the joy and the sadness and just in life.

And so that’s where I I think I can be all of me.

I love that so much.

And the thing, too, as we get to know one one another better, you know, and we are deeper with one another, our identities, it’s really about who we are and what we’re going through rather than what kind of work you do or, you know, it’s not like it’s a colleague.

It’s not like, oh, we have this in common. There’s a lot of us that don’t really have a lot in common at all. We’re in different stages in life, but that’s not our identity.

Our identity is much deeper.

I love that.

Well said, Cindy.

What about you, Kim?

Yeah, I was going to say, I think it’s beautiful to be able to be your whole self in presence with your family. I think it’s beautiful to be able to be your whole self in your small group. I think those are like amazing.

I think if I look back over my life as an entirety, the one place where I have felt the most myself, this is going to sound really bizarre, in a dance studio with my favorite worship song and just me and God worshiping like we’ve never been separated from the fall or from this crazy world or had any of these things.

And so on those moments where I could just dance and express my love and gratitude for what he’s doing in my family, for what he’s doing in the people around me. That’s when I feel most like myself and I feel more connected.

I feel more grounded. I feel more whole when I’m in that deep worship and I can use my whole body to express it.

It’s just there’s nothing like it and I can’t dance anymore. Haven’t been able to dance for like a decade and a half or more. And it’s so hard to feel like myself when that is when one of the ways I feel most like myself.

But since then, obviously the time with my family, and the time with my small group and being on the water. Those are probably the times that I feel most myself.

Well, it sounds like, too, that you said just being in the presence of God.

Yeah.

And if you can’t dance still, like worship at church, you know, you’re singing, whatever it is, when you’re in his presence, it sounds like you’re your true identity.

And I love that. I think that’s, that’s awesome. And I think I’m getting there too.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, it’s something that, it’s a state of mind.

Yes.

Really.

And I do move a lot in our church, which is why we stay in the back and the top and I’m all the way on the side so nobody gets distracted because I know I can’t actually full on use the full room and I can’t use my full body space, but I can still have a little bit of that movement, which brings me into his presence closer.

But I’d prefer a big wide open dance studio. That would be amazing.

Well, it’s interesting that different places or people can make us feel more like ourselves.

But what happens when our identity gets wrapped up in what we accomplish instead of who God says we are?

Well, today we are talking about Identity before Performance. Who has God created me to be in Christ apart from what I do?

So let’s start off with the identities we do wear.

When someone asks, tell me about yourself, how do you usually answer?

Oh, no. I try to avoid the question.

Oh, no.

I do. I try to avoid the question and I will try not to answer.

Interesting..

I think, you know, the typical thing is, well, I’m a teacher.

Yeah.

Or I, I’m a mom and I, you know, I’m a wife or whatever. You know, it it’s what you’re doing, not really who you are.

Yeah.

But that’s where I go. I mean, because really…

It’s so natural.

And does somebody really want to know?

Exactly.

That’s why I avoid the question.

You didn’t want to ask me. You should have asked somebody.

I mean, I’m barely meeting you right now that. 

I have tried, because that’s what they say. Like we always go to what we’re doing or what we’ve accomplished.

And so I’ve become more intentional on, I love Jesus.

So good.

And then that can open up a conversation or other, I love Jesus too too, you know? So it’s, that’s a hard question, though.

I always like it.

Well, tell me your story.

Oh, that’s a good, that’s a good question.

Right? If you end up a spot where you want to pour into someone’s life.

Yeah.

Well, where do you think we learn that our value comes from what we do?

I think my doing it was ingrained in me.

Yeah, me too.

As a child.

And not that that’s a bad thing.

Sure.

But that’s how you were motivated. 

Right?

Get the A’s, do the study, do the work. You know, you were rewarded for grades, financially, verbally, emotionally.

Yeah.

So I think it started from there and it built this internal motivation for me to, I’m only who I am based on what I succeed in.

Sure.

And then that just gets rewarded in school. It gets rewarded by peers. You know, you get the kudos, you get get the attention, you get the approval.

So success breeds success?

Yes.

For sure.

Well, and I know our family, you know, I mean, it’s, it really comes down to your life experiences, and however your family prioritized school, or church, or hard work.

Or sports or Yeah, right.

Yeah.

And then in turn, how what am I teaching my kids in the same way? What did I prioritize with them? You know, we’re not doing anything until you finish your homework.

You’re not, you know, I mean, you know, and if you’ve got a kid who’s artistic and that’s their thing, but you’re going to say, nope, get in your room and finish your homework first and then you’re going to do your chores and, you know, all those things that we do, sometimes you can squish maybe what they really value.

My middle son started playing guitar in fourth grade. His grandfather passed and gave him his guitar, his acoustic guitar. And so when he would come home, I would first let him go play guitar. And once he had that time to play guitar, then we could tackle everything else.

But I just wanted him to have that break, that moment to be creative and to really have that chance to feel like himself for a minute before we had to tackle things that felt harder, like homework or, you know, whatever.

So I get that idea that if you’ve got someone who’s creative, do you let them be creative for a few minutes and let them express their inner selves before they have to tackle hard things?

Or do you say, no, we’ve got the schedule? We’ve got to keep, you know, it’s hard.

It’s hard to do that.

Well, I’m and I also think with your kids, this idea of how successful are your kids is your identity.

Oh, that’s 

Yes, 

dangerous walk.

Very much when you’re having a conversation with someone and they want to act, well, what are your kids up to?

Yes.

Right.

And you want to be so quick to, oh, they’re achieving at this and they’re going to, they’re doing this and they’re going to to school..

And they’ it’s can be like, well, your kid didn’t choose that path.

My child chose.

I pushed them down it.

Right?

They’re choosing a different path and that doesn’t make them less successful or less valuable or less worthy of God.

A while back in their middle teens, I had an epiphany of, you don’t have to have A’s.

Yeah.

If you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing and you are kind and caring, and you’re a good friend and you’re responsible and respectful, you know, make good choices.

Exactly.

It’s okay. If you’re getting a B or a C. It’s okay. Those grades don’t define who you are.

Oh, that’s so good.

And I always, like, as a teacher, that can be hard with your students. My students become my kids. You know, I know some students, they want the A so bad. They want the 100%.

And you can see them just struggling, beating themselves up And it’s like, you know what? This is not the end of the world. This is not who you are.

Yes.

I love your motivation. I love that you want it. But know that it’s okay. You got one wrong.

Yes.

I was that kid.

I was that kid too, Kim.

I didn’t ever want to get anything wrong.

A horrible way to live.

Yes, it’s a horrible way to live.

Yeah, it’s stressful.

I want to go back to something you said. I think social media has also perpetuated our comparison of our children.

Oh, yes.

And I think that has been a loop that people have gotten stuck in that cycle of, oh, well, this person’s graduating with that degree.

Well, my child is, you know what I mean? And so I do feel like that can be a trap.

Not only my identity and what I do, I say that in air quotes, but also my children and having that as a thing.

Yeah.

Have you ever caught yourself trying to earn something God had already given you?

Yes, every day.

Honestly, I think the idea of salvation and sanctification really changed everything for me. And I’ll tell you why.

I grew up in Christian schools and my brothers were not the nicest of people. They got us kicked out of our Christian schools about every year or every two. And so we went to a lot of different Christian schools.

We went to Baptist schools. We went to, and so we’re in these Baptist schools that are doing the Hell, fire and brimstone.

Sorry, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that, 

But it’s true.

They are literally threatening us and telling us all these things.

And so I came out of some of these schools with a theology that, and thankfully, I had enough exposure to different types of Christianity that I got to see.

Oh, okay, we look at this different ways, but I thought I had to earn my salvation. I didn’t understand that correctly, that there’s nothing I could do to earn that salvation.

And so the whole faith without works as dead thing was looked at and taught very differently in the different places I was in. And I was a child too.

So I, I’m just trying to figure it out and make sense of it, right? But I really did not understand the gift of salvation until later. It took me a while.

I think I hear more of that story than I got it right away.

Yeah.

I do. I think there’s this idea that we have to break because we’ve all grown up feeling we need to earn.

Yes.

We need to earn the allowance. We need to earn our love. We need to earn our value. We need to earn the grades. 

We, you know, we have to earn a living. 

Right.

We grow up with this earning to get rewarded.

Yeah.

And so when you meet Jesus and you pray that prayer of salvation, it’s not going to break that cycle that’s been embedded of earning immediately.

So I think we hear more of that than, oh, yeah, I don’t have to.

It was freely given.

And I can walk in that identity.

And it’s still, for me, taken a daily journey to, I don’t have to earn this.

Yes.

It’s a daily work.

Right.

The idea that there is absolutely nothing I did for my rectification and salvation to be able to spend eternity with God.

But the idea that is there something I could do that could damage it or break it?

Right.

So that became sort of my second stage of paralysis, I guess, because I didn’t want to do anything to break that relationship. And I’m a sinner so every day, I’m going to do something that probably breaks that relationship. Not on purpose, but I may not have had God at the focus of my life, that particular day.

And I don’t want anything that I have to be an idol, you know, and so I don’t want to put anything above who God is and where he is in my life, but maybe that has happened throughout my day.

And like the gift of salvation, the idea of, could I lose that salvation by something I’ve done? And then the whole, what is this faith without works thing mean?

And I just think the difference between between salvation and daily sanctification I think is just a huge thing to explore. What do you think?

I think a lot.

I don’t know where to start.

I’m thinking, you know, as a child, you, you’re really working for the approval of your parents, acceptance, love, belonging.

As a parent, you can kind of see things a little bit the way God sees us, you know, where, like, when I look at my kids now, they don’t, they don’t have to earn my approval.

They don’t have to earn earn my acceptance, or my love, or belonging. They have it unconditionally.

There’s nothing that they have to do in order to have that.

So then it’s like, where in our walk, where in our life do we shift from the child that’s working to earn it with our parents to understanding a loving God has already given that to me.

You know, I don’t want my 10 year old to say, Mom, you know, God accepts me the way that I am. And so we’re good here.

I’m not going to grow.

I don’t need to do any of that, you know, but just getting older, becoming more mature, and having Christ in your life and understanding that he sees me and I don’t have to earn his love.

Yeah.

That’s so good.

It’s an amazing shift.

And I think it’s when God takes you and I want to just say like, throws you on the couch and says, daughter, rest just a minute in me.

Yes.

Right.

And you let him open up your mind and work in you and you can then see this shift because I feel like, oh my gosh, in my 30s, I wasn’t seeking to grow.

I was just trying to get through life, right.

With all the little kids.

Like I’m just trying to live life and ignoring anything going on outside of that.

Right.

And now my kids are adults.

You know, there’s been some, some trauma, some sin, some things, and, and finally God has just said, enough.

Be at my feet. Let me transform you.

Love that.

And so it’s recognizing that’s all I need to do. Is to be at his feet.

I don’t have to do anything else to earn that.

Mary Martha. Very interesting.

That is interesting.

So now let’s talk about the identity that God gives us.

If someone asks God who you are, what do you think he would say?

Oh, my land.

I just want to say that is such a question. What a twist. Because what I do is I often think, how does God see me?

And I often have a judgment with that Right. But to twist that to what do you think God would say about you?

God is such a kind, loving, gracious, forgiving whole God. And he’s so holy.

And I am sure that when he looks down at us, it’s how we as moms look at our babies, whether they’re nine months or 34. Right?

Right.

They’re our babies and we just love them with this love that we can’t even explain, right? And how much more so our father loves us like that. And what would he say about us? Man.

Well, and it’s not an opinion. This is, I mean, what he says, it’s scripture. It says it it all over scripture. So this isn’t something that I think that God might think about me. He tells me very clearly.

I have a couple different scriptures that I want to read regarding that. That I just love.

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

So good.

Before you move on, Cindy, that scripture, that workmanship, in other versions, it’ll say masterpiece.

Yes. I love that version.

And in the Hebrew, I think it is, or maybe it might be the Greek. I looked it up is poiema.

Okay.

Poem.

Oh, masterpiece.

Work of arts.

Work of arts.

I love that.

That is, I think, a struggle for like one of my struggles is that how am I a masterpiece when I’m a sinner?

Right.

How do those go hand in hand? 

It’s a very foreign concept.

It is.

And I just think – love.

Yes.

Right.

God’s love.

Right.

Okay, go on.

In 1 John chapter three – See how great a love the fall Father has bestowed on us that we should be called children of God. And such we are. For this reason, the world does not know us because it did not know him.

And then verse 2 – Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that when he appears, we shall be like him because we shall see him just as he is.

I love that so much.

I know.

It’s good.

It’s good stuff.

When I was a little girl at one of the Christian schools I went to, we had a song that was based on that scripture and it was so, so beautiful.

When I think of what God says about me or anybody, I go to Ephesians 1-3. I’ve recently identified a couple different Bible study plans on identity and chapters one through three in Ephesians.

If you are questioning who you are, I encourage you to go there. It is full of identity.

And I sat with this Ephesians 2:6 for quite some time, and God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.

And I’ve read that so many times, and I’ve never really stopped and pondered, what does that mean? And I did a study on it and it’s a very long list and I won’t go through it.

We will, if you want to go to the study, we’ll put it in our show notes for you. But what does that mean to be seated with Christ in the heavenly realms?

And a couple stood out to me, 

You are a new creation.

You are forgiven.

We have access through Jesus to the Father by the Spirit.

Amen.

We stand in the ocean of Christ’s grace.

We are justified, reconciled, and saved from the wrath of God.

We are in Christ in the Father, and Christ is in us.

And the list just goes on and on.

Keep going.

And we are not under the law.

We are a royal priesthood.

We are living stones and the temple God is building.

We are with our friend.

We are reigning with him.

We rejoice with him.

All in heaven and earth will we brought into the glorious freedom for the children of God.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness and guides and strengthens us.

The spirit is the down payment guarantying our future life with Christ.

Again..

And this is the list in your study that you, in the study.

And we can attach it.

Just sure.

A lot of times when we think of our identity in Christ, I know we go to the big ones.

I’m a child.

I’m saved.

I’m a daughter.

I’m beautiful.

I’m an heir.

I’m right.

All those things.

And but this just to be seated with Christ in the heavenly realms is more power for us than you can ever imagine.

And I, I just want to sit in that. And I try to remind myself daily, like, you have the power of Christ in you. Live like it.

That’s so good.

Amen.

Which truth about your identity in Christ has been the hardest for you to believe?

I think I touched on this one.

That workmanship, that masterpiece.

Yeah.

How with all the mistakes I’ve made.

Yes.

I think I struggle with that one the most. He’s working on me. He’s sending people or just that have a message for me.

Yeah.

And it’s been the same message. Your identity is in me. I chose you. You are my masterpiece. You do not live in your failure.

It’s so good.

I think it’s hard for me to feel like I am enough.

Just, and it’s because of the comparisons, you know, and it started when I was really, really young, as it does for most of us, you know, in childhood, you’re comparing what you have to somebody else and just getting older and in high school, just feeling like, oh, she’s prettier, or she’s smarter, or whatever.

And it just goes right into adulthood.

And so not comparing, listening and watching for what God actually sees about me and believes in me rather than my feeble mind, what I tell myself.

Sure.

Mine is loved. I find it really hard to imagine that God loves me. That’s just, I don’t know. I mean, I I know he does because I’ve been told that since I was little. I can understand that he does because as a parent, I can see how I love my children.

But when I look at like, how he loves us, I just, it blows my mind.

So I’m reading or I’m listening to the audiobook. 

Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table.

I bought that book for one of my friends.

Yes, by Louie Giglio.

Yes.

Have you read it?

I didn’t.

And I handed it to my friend and said, I haven’t read this, but when I read the back cover copy, I thought this is something we probably need to read.

Yes.

But he goes into some of the lies that we believe. And I love his visual of being a at the table, you know, and with Jesus.

And then these enemies just come in and you don’t even know they’re there half the time and they’re drinking your from your water and eating your brownie and just feeding you these lies.

And they’re really good at using scripture out of context.

To manipulate.

To manipulate

Yes, to manipulate you all the way back to Genesis. It’s what he did to Eve. And then to Jesus, you know, when he was on his fast..

It’s the same It’s tactic.

Over and over.

Yes.

Never changes.

Never changes.

And so I’m like, how do we remind ourselves that this battle is not flesh and blood. 

Flesh and blood.

It is with these principalities and darkness and he is out to destroy you.

Yes.

How do we keep that mindset? And I think I don’t have the answer – if you’re hoping I was going to have an answer for it? I don’t.

I don’t have an answer except for being aware.

Yeah.

Be aware of it.

Be aware of how it makes you feel or what response you want to give.

So if your response is to run away or your response is to fight, not like I’m going to fight this with the powers of good, but I’m going to fight it with the power of evil, like to be manipulative, like just be aware of what’s working in your body that you’ll know, oh, that’s not God.

That is the enemy or that’s my selfishness, which he’s prying on. He’s going to use that.

And so when we struggle to know our identity, I think we need to spend time in the Word. You need to be reminded of what God says about you. And you need to know how to fight the darkness.

And I know in season one, we, I think our bonus episode, we talked a lot about you have to fight it with a sword of truth. And so memorizing scripture, having the sticky notes out, I’m not good at memorizing.

I got to have sticky notes.

I got a lot going on up in this brain that can’t always get it memorized. It takes a long time. So there’s way, things that you can do for sure.

I actually really love this because we don’t have the answer, mostly because the answer is the name of Jesus.

The thing that makes demons flee is calling the name of Jesus. That’s what makes them have to leave.

So once you’ve recognized who’s at the table, being able to call the name of Jesus is how we get them out of the table.

Yes.

And using the Bible as Jesus did when he was tempted is our method. I don’t know if that makes sense.

Yes.

Yes.

And he talks about that in the book as he goes through all the lies. And one of the big ones, he actually separates the live comparison.

Yes.

With I’m Not enough, but then kind of brings it back and connects it.

But there are two battles.

And so if you’ve got these battles going on in your head and this is what you’re telling yourself, the enemy’s at your table.

Yep.

And you need to know how to fight it and you fight it with praying over it in the name of Jesus.

Yeah.

And it may take a lot of times. You may have to do it daily, multiple times a day.

Yeah.

Calling out his name. I recommend the book.

 I’m only on chapter four.

What’s it called again?

Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table.

By Louie Giglia.

By Louie Giglio.

It’s time to win the battle of your mind.

No, it’s highly recommended and the book has been around for a little bit. I forgot what year it came out, but it is definitely a good read and I’m glad you brought that to our table.

Thanks.

You’re welcome.

Well, how do we remind ourselves of those truths when our feelings tell us something different?

I don’t always like feelings, ladies. It’s good to feel the good stuff. But when your feelings become overwhelmed or anger, anxious, or sad, or out of control.

Like, why can’t I get control? The other day, my daughter was crying and she’s like, I can’t stop crying.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

Feel it. You have to feel it.

Don’t stuff it. Your mom is a stuffer. Don”t stuff it. You got to let it out.

I love that.

Your mom’s a stuffer. Don’t stuff it.

I love that.

I think that it took me a long time and a lot of therapy and sermons and Bible studies and reading the word to understand that my feelings don’t always tell me the truth.

And I have to tell you, it shocked me because I really thought that my, the way that I feel is the truth. But what I actually now am coming to believe is that just because I feel something doesn’t make it true.

As a matter of fact, when I feel something, my first reaction now is, why am I feeling this? Why do I feel that way?

And then I ask myself, is this true? Is this a true feeling? Does it really have legitimacy?

And if it does, then I can go ahead and allow myself to feel that way, like sad, or overwhelmed, or stressed or whatever.

But if it isn’t true, then I know that this is a tactic that perhaps is giving someone a seat at my table. That I don’t want to have.

Right.

And then if you listen to Dr. Daniel Amen, he talks a lot about your thoughts, your actions, your feelings.

And the combination of the those three are going to determine your future.

So I could let my feelings influence my thoughts, which are now going to influence my actions, which are now going to take me down a rabbit hole and into a lifestyle. I don’t want to live or I can reverse all of that.

I can cause my actions to help determine my positive thoughts, which then help determine my positive feelings. And I can go, right.

So it depends on what am I letting drive?

And even if I decide I’m going to let my feelings drive me, which may or may not be a good idea, would I be able to choose the more positive feelings to help drive me, as opposed to having my more negative feelings drive me?

And so I think depending on some of us and how we’re naturally wired, we’re going to let our negative feelings. I mean, you can see people on the internet.

You can tell that their negative feelings are driving their thoughts, which are driving their actions. And you go, how did that person get to that conclusion? Right?

I mean, we see it on the news even. I mean, like, how does somebody walk down that pathway?

Well, they followed those negative feelings? I don’t know if that answers your question.

I think it’s a good start. I think that we have choices to make.

Yeah.

We have to choose, are we going to follow creation or the creator?

Yep.

And in that choice, you then determine what path you’re going to take.

It’s it’s very easy to look at somebody outside of yourself and say, oh, they are choosing the negative feeling to the negative thought, to the negative words, to the negative action.

And I have to take a step back and say, what got them to that point? I’m currently living with somebody who’s that’s their path that they’re choosing, but there’s pain there.

Yeah.

There’s pain that triggers that.

And until someone’s ready to address the pain and find healing, they’re going to choose to follow those feelings.

Sure.

So it always makes me double check myself. Well, what feelings am I responding to? What feelings am I choosing to believe or not believe? And then how am I responding? What actions am I taking?

And I don’t always get it right. That’s for sure.

None of us do.

None of us do.

But wanting to hold to the truth. And that is that Jesus has to be in the forefront to love him first.

Yeah, that’s so powerfulful.

I think if I can get the list of truths that you read, if I could get that straight in my head first, then how I react to other people, how I see other people, how I handle my thought life, how I handle my feelings, is a very different world, really, than if I don’t see myself as God sees me.

Right.

And I think a lot of a lot of us go through life with an improper view of how God sees us and how he wants to heal us.

And then we perpetuate that by acting out and having other problems on top of it. And then we just start spiraling. And so I think that being able to see the truth of who God has created us to be and how he looks at us could literally change our lives.

Absolutely. Mindset.

And I know, recently listening to, I can’t remember her name, but she said, you have the spirit living inside you, which is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

The same power lives in you. Are you dormant or are you active?

And it’s hard to fathom that. Like, I have the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

If that’s the truth, which I’m choosing to believe that is the truth, and living by scripture, then you have the power to recognize God in everything.

You have the ability to freeze and take control of your feelings. You have the power to bring Jesus into your situation, and call on his name.

You have that power. He’s right there ready and waiting for you.

Love that.

Part of it too, I think, you know, emotional and spiritual maturity, just like any other discipline.

If I want to be, you know, in good shape, I’ve got to discipline myself to work out.

Right?

You know, and so if I, if I don’t want to be a victim of the lies, then I need to prepare myself ahead of time. I need to do the work ahead of time.

Get into the Word and make, my postits or what have you, but take captive those thoughts.

Every thought.

And work on disciplining my myself in becoming spiritually and emotionally mature. 

So we’re not the babies drinking the milk. We are literally getting the food.

And this is something that actually they talk about about in one of the churches. One of the churches, I think, oh gosh, I think it’s Paul. Don’t send me bad emails if it’s not.

But one of the apostles goes to the church and is like, you guys aren’t even eating actual food. You’re still on baby food because you can’t mature.

And I’ve always wondered, what did he mean by that? But I think this might be part of it. Right?

Is the things that are deeply rooted in us, are we able to approach them in a mature, you know, spiritually mature way? Or are we still back, you know, when we were children believing things that are probably not correct about God?

Right.

Wow.

Okay.

Well, what would it look like if we lived from our identity? Man? That’s a loaded question.

I wonder how my life would be different if I lived from my identity. I think I’d have more confidence.

Mm.

I think I would have that power. I wouldn’t have that fear, afraid to make the wrong decision. You know, sometimes we get stuck in that analysis paralysis because we think it’s not going to work out, right?

Mm.

And if we were confident and if we, you know, we really knew what we were capable of utilizing that spirit within us, think about how we could help others.

I mean, everyone around us, is struggling with something.

Yeah.

And so if I get out of myself and I really believe who God says I am, then I really could help others more.

So I don’t know if you know the term prayer warrior.

Yes.

So a lot of my sisters that I’ve done life with have been the most incredible prayer warriors.

And when you need something, you call up one of our prayer warrior friends and it’s like the most beautiful thing to have one of these people pray over you.

But sometimes when we lose that identity, I think you’re praying, but not utilizing and accessing his power because again, if I feel like I made a mistake and I haven’t asked for forgiveness, I feel like I’m stopping myself from accessing that power, which again, is not biblical.

Right.

Right.

But it’s something that happens in my mind.

So you know?

So I really love the idea of being able to help your community by being a prayer warrior because you’re living from your identity.

That’s cool.

I think if we live from our identity, we can recognize that.

I don’t need to call on the presence of God.

God is already present. What we’re choosing to do is call on the relationship with God. Like, I’m going to call it developing the relationship relationship with God, drawing closer to God.

He’s ever present.

Sure.

He’s always there. If you’re a believer, he lives inside of you, he’s there. If you are someone seeking and you’re not calling yourself a believer yet, he’s right there waiting for you.

Yeah.

He’s still there. He’s not not there.

Yeah.

He still knows you. He’s just waiting for you.

So I think when we truly identify that, oh my gosh, I am this child of the king who is ever present, always there.

I just have to engage with him. I just have to say, Jesus, help me in this moment. Help me speak the right words. Jesus, how can I love this person? Jesus, what do I need to do today to glorify you?

Yes.

Like if you, if you are constantly walking alongside of him, he’s there. You just have to walk with him. Then you can call on him at any moment for help, for guidance.

And that would give you such peace.

Right?

This, this peace of knowing you are carried and taken care of and he’s got your back.

Yeah.

And I think some people call that that being the hands and feet of Jesus because you can literally, when you’re partnering with him like that, you can literally see the need in people and you have the capacity to help and fill it, even if it’s a simple smile, a prayer, you know, whatever he’s called you to do for that person.

What changes when we stop working for our identity and start living from it?

Everything?

I think we just kind of just touched on it a little bit. You have a piece that carries with you into all parts of your life.

Yes.

So whether that’s at work or with family or friends or, you know, how do you handle a mistake? How you handle grief? An accident, stress?

Anything.

And it goes from self-centered to other centered. If I’m working for my identity, that’s super selfish.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, and so if I’ve already got it covered, I know who I am. Now I can be other centered instead.

I actually think so. Let’s go back to the moment. Maturity idea.

When you are a child, you are completely egoscentric. As you grow, you are supposed to change to have a worldview where you become others centric. Like that is one of the goals of our educational system.

And so let’s bring this to spiritual maturity.

If we are still in a phase where we are egocentric, then we haven’t transitioned and transformed into someone who’s mature and now can see the world differently and actually try to help better it.

And I think that’s why we consistently calling on God to do do, do, do, do, give, give, give, you know, me.

We haven’t made that switch to what he has provided you and given you.

And what you could do with it for his kingdom.

Wow.

If someone listening today feels exhausted from trying to prove themselves, what would you want them to know about God?

I would say God has never wanted you to do or be anything other than who you were created to be. He literally wants you to rest and know that you are loved.

You are cherished. You are already enough.

I would say, stop spinning your wheels. And Stop, again, for me, stop comparing your life with other people because I guarantee their lives are not what they look like at all.

The more I get to know people, everybody is going through something.

And so to compare myself with this person that I think is perfect and has it all together, it only, it only brings me down and limits God through me.

So I would say, stop, don’t compare yourself. Don’t try working so hard.

I would want you to know that God is on your side.

He is for you. He is not against you.

And you can rely on him.

He will never leave you nor forsake you.

He’s your father. And he’s got your back.

I love that imagery of the veil being torn when Christ died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation and life in hell.

The veil inside the Holy of Holy’s temple was torn from the top to the bottom so it couldn’t have been a man made tear.

And that opening of that veil gave us the access to the intimacy of God and the ability for us to now have that intimate relationship, not having to go through the pastors or the priests or the religious leaders, we literally have that Holy Spirit inside of us.

And to have that connection and that access is, I mean, it’s just so beautiful.

Well, let’s look at a few verses that God’s word says about this topic.

Matthew 3:16-17 says, As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

I love this.

And I think what I love most is that Jesus had not done anything yet.

Right.

This was before He started his ministry.

Yes.

He already declares him his love, his somebody who he’s well pleased with, his child, his son. And I think, gosh, if only we’d have known as soon as we came out of the womb.

Before we started talking and walking and making, you know, choices, if we’d just only now at that point. But I think that’s part of the plan, too, is that you would choose him, that free will, that choice that he gives you.

I just think that makes us love even that much more precious.

It wasn’t forced.

I also love the imagery, so go with me for a second.

The heavens have opened.

And then there’s this moment where the spirit descends like a dove and the word alighting on him is a rest, like resting on him.

And then this voice from heaven. I mean, could I just want to be there. Like, can we make the film of this for a second?

I’m sure, I know people have done it, but like, let’s just do it in our minds for a second.

There’s this crowd of people. Jesus went down. He came back up.

The heavens open. The Shekinah glory comes down, rests on his son. And then this voice comes out of the heavens.

I mean, I just, it’s incredible.

Have you, I’m going to totally go off the rocker here, but have you seen Twilight?

No.

Okay.

Not that I’m comparing Jesus to a vampire, y’all.

Don’t, don’t. Don’t send us hateful messages.

But this is how when they step into the light, they’re like they look like diamonds, like their in this movie, particularly when a vampire steps into the light, they’re beautiful, like this.

Sparkly, sparkly and they’re glowing.

And I feel when I see this image of Jesus coming out of the water in this light, that’s what I see is this’s this glorious, beautiful, shining brightness on him on the water around him.

And it’s so sparkling and Yes.

And that’s what I see. And then I think I hear this God’s voice is just booming with peace and and satisfaction over his son. That’s my vision.

I think that’s wholeness, right?

Is That is wholeness.

That is wholeness – Right there.

The thing we’ve been looking for all season.

We found it. Okay, good.

Good.

There we go.

Well, moving further into what God gives us, Ephesians 2:8-10 – For it is by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not from yourselves. It is the God, not so that one. God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus, which God prepared in advance.

I love this.

Grace before works.

Right.

Mm.

And this prepared an advance.

Yes.

I was like, oh, he already knew.

Yep.

Okay.

Let me, can you just kind of tell me? Can you just whisper in my ear? Like, so I don’t have to play a guessing game because I feel like a lot of us are like that.

Well, what do you mean I’m created to be or to do? Or what’s my purpose? What’s my plan? Like it’s a guessing game for some of us and or probably a lot of us.

We’re not, we don’t know.

Yeah.

And, but he did prepare something for you, no matter what you’ve walked through, what valley you’re going through, he has prepared in advance something for you to do.

And my guess is that thing that he’s prepared you for is to help advance the kingdom.

I mean, that’s, that’s our goal here.

Yes.

Right?

On earth is to help bring as many people to heaven with us as we possibly can. So you never know what he’s going to do with your story. You never know who he’s going to transform through it. You never know how that story that you have lived is going to change the life of somebody else.

And we’ve seen it over and over again.

Even in our small group.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Well, let’s look at Romans 8:15-17 – The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Ah 

There’s a lot there.

There’s a so much, so much to unpack.

The idea of just being adopted.

Yeah. 

Chosen.

Yes.

God chose us as his children is so meaningful.

I love that.

I feel like we could do a whole season on what it means to be adopted, by God.

Oh, this is an interesting topic.

Our Reflection Question this week is: Where have you been looking for your identity lately? And what would change if you rested in who God says you are?

Oh, this is a big question.

And by the way, we do want you to actually share your answers with us.

Please.

Please.

Give us a voicemail.

Give us an email and we’ll share it on the podcast and have some thoughts with you.

I’m going to close this out in prayer today from Ephesians chapter 3 For this reason, and this is your identity in Christ , we kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives name.

We pray that out of his glorious riches, he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And we pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide, and long, and high, and deep is the love of Christ.

And to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

So, so good.

I love that scripture. Thanks for reading that.

Thanks for sitting at the table with us.

We’ll leave you there for now.

May God meet you in the ch places this week and remember, becoming whole isn’t about becoming someone else.

It’s about becoming who God created you to be.

As we close, we pray that you would notice Jesus meeting you in the ordinary moments of your week.

He loves you.

He sees you.

He is fighting for you.

For show notes, resources, or to answer the reflection of the week, visit LifeReclaimed.net.

If this conversation encouraged you, consider subscribing or leaving a rating and review. It helps other women find a seat at the table.

Until we’re together again, may the grace and peace of Jesus go with you. 

Ephesians 2:8-10 – For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

1 John 3:1-2 – See how great a love the fall Father has bestowed on us that we should be called children of God. And such we are. For this reason, the world does not know us because it did not know him. Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that when he appears, we shall be like him because we shall see him just as he is.

Ephesians 2:6 – And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,

Matthew 3:16-17 – As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Romans 8:15-17 – The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Ephesians 3:14-21 – For this reason, and this is your identity in Christ , we kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives name.

We pray that out of his glorious riches, he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And we pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide, and long, and high, and deep is the love of Christ.

And to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.

Books

Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table by Louie Giglio

YouVersion Bible App Plan

5 Identity Messages From Ephesians That Will Transform Your Life by Keith Ferrin

Seated With Christ by Bible for Life

Additional Reading

• Ephesians chapters 1-3