S2 E2 | Can God Use My Whole Story?

S2 E2 | Can God Use My Whole Story?

Welcome to Life Reclaimed, a place for honest conversations about faith, healing, in real life.

We are three friends learning to walk in freedom and trust God through the messy middle.

Pull up a chair.

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Let’s dive in.

Well, welcome to the life Reclaimed podcast.

We are so glad you’ve joined us today.

My name is Kim, and I m here around the table with my two friends, Brenda and Cindy.

If you’re joining us for the first time, welcome.

Life Reclaimed is a podcast for women about faith, healing, and growth through Christ.

In season one, we talked about becoming healthy, and now in season two, we’re exploring what it means to become whole.

We’ve also created a Spotify playlist of some of our favorite worship songs to go along with the journey.

You can find it at LifeReclaimed.net or just search Life Reclaimed in Spotify and you’ll see both our podcast and our worship playlist.

Today’s quick check-in question is this:

If someone had to describe one of your life seasons by a single object, what would it be?

I like this question.

I’m excited.

You must have something in mind.

I do.

I was going to say, holy dance shoes.

Okay.

Because all of my life, well, pretty much.

You know, you dance so hard.

You’re practicing the same thing over and over again. You’re wearing down those shoes. I always had holy dance shoes.

But, you know, I like to think of them as holy dance shoes. Not just holes in them.

I actually had a few different objects come up for different times of my life, but I’m going to stick with the life preserver.

Oh, okay.

The life jacket.

Yeah, it’s, you know, it let me not drowned.

I like it.

Okay, so mine’s different. I thought of snow.

Oh.

And the reason I thought of that was because we had a season where we decided to move to Pollock Pines.

Okay.

And we had not had any experience at all growing up in snow. We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into.

So it was beautiful, but man, it was tough. And we only stayed up there for five years and then we moved back down the hill.

But we did have some really treasured moments up there. It was a really good time in a lot of ways.

So, so snow for me.

I love that.

The reason we moved to this area is because I wanted to get closer to Lake Tahoe, but not close enough to be in the snow.

And it’s only 30 minutes away.

Well, an hour and a half for us.

Well, to Pollock Pines.

Oh, it’s only a half an hour.

Wow..

Brenda, do you get snow?

We get snow drift.

Okay.

I think there’s been a couple times in the last, I don’t know, since the house was built in the late 90s. We haven’t been there that whole time, but just prior owner.

A couple times they’ve had real snow, like broken tree snow.

Wow.

But it’s not a normal snow area.

Wow.

Yeah, no, I don’t do snow.

No, no.

No.

It’s beautiful to look at, but I don’t want to live there.

Don’t want to live there.

And like, you want to go snow skiing.

Great.

I’ll go with you, but I’ll be in by the fireplace, drinking my hot cocoa and you go out and enjoy that cold snow.

Yep.

Exactly.

All right.

Well, let’s dive into the hard parts of our story.

Ooh, no.

You knew we were going there.

When we talked about those “hard parts” (in quotations) of our story, what kinds of chapters are we talking about?

It could be possible betrayal, loss, divorce, family pain, disappointment, seasons of anxiety or depression, wasted years, regret. Things that have been done to us, maybe things that we have done.

That’s what I was going to say.

Things we wish we just handled differently.

Oh, and maybe even chapters that still feel unresolved.

Man, I think those cover most of the hard parts.

Is there anything else that we missed?

That’s a good list.

And I’d argue all of these fall under trauma of some sort.

Little “t” and big “T” Trauma, I would say.

Do you know the difference?

Yes.

Okay, just to make it sure.

Little “t” trauma are the smaller things that happen that are traumatic, but aren’t necessarily life altering.

Big “T” trauma is what we would call traumatic and life altering.

Oh, okay.

That’s just my definition, I guess.

Oh, I thought it was a thing.

I don’t know if that’s a real, I don’ know if that’s a real diagnosis.

I don’t know.

I’ve heard that before.

I’ve heard that before.

We might not refer to the little things as little “t”.

Most people probably don’t.

It’s just events in life, things that happen that, you know, I kind of compare it for me.

I think about like you when you’re young and you’re dating and you have a boyfriend and you and your boyfriend break up.

Yes.

Yes, maybe at that time you feel like it’s a big trauma, and the end of the world. But in my life, like breaking up with the boyfriend, that was a little “t”.

That’s what I mean too.

When I was in high school, my boyfriend had a tragic death.

That would be a big “T”.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Why do you think certain parts of our story continue to feel so tender or defining?

That’s such a great question.

And I’m going to say the parts of my story that still feel tender, or that I have found my identity in them, I think they’re because I still haven’t healed that wound completely.

Does that make sense?

Like if I haven’t finished going through that phase, I haven’t gotten through the entire grief cycle of it, if I haven’t finished healing and being restored and renewed in that particular area, for instance, I feel like that’s going to be tender still.

I don’t know. What do you think?

Well, I’d even, just watching Brenda as she was speaking when she spoke of the boyfriend who passed your facial expression changed.

It’s tender.

Yes.

Because it still hurts.

Yes.

Yeah.

And it was a long time ago. I was a junior in high school and it shifted my life. It altered my life.

And I think, I don’t… Sorry.

It’s okay.

It was hard at that time to think, how could God have been there?

Yes.

I didn’t really know God or have a relationship with him at that time in my life already.

But I can look back to the angels that he sent in my path after that. And now that I know that we live in a fallen world and there’s an enemy and people do evil things.

We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I won’t go into the rest of the details. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And he died. And as a 17 year old, a 16 year old. It’s hugely traumatic.

It was life changing and I, there are things today that will still trigger the emotions.

And I don’t think I have completely healed from it, if I’m 100% honest, because I stuffed a lot of emotions and I went down wrong paths.

I don’t think I really allowed myself to grieve through that process. I really don’t.

I think I just…

Shut the wall.

Put the walls up, kept living life, started making stupid choices.

You know, you only live life once, live it to the fullest, right?

Like, just dumb choice after dumb choice. And I think back to all the horrible places I put myself in and I didn’t die.

You’re like, what is happening?

Yeah, I didn’t die. I, I didn’t get pregnant. I didn’t catch a disease.

Like, and I was living off the rails in sin. Off the rails, and just kept going.

I never, I think earlier I may have mentioned that I went to a few counseling sessions and I’m going to have to check in with my mom, because I do have a lot of holes also.

And like maybe I did go longer and I don’t remember. But from me, thinking back, like, yeah, I went a few times, there was never really a sit down, and rest, and be quiet and grieve this process.

I think a lot of people just put up with me. I’m sure I offended and hurt a lot of people in my process because I didn’t really recognize what I was walking through at the time.

I mean, that’s a really big thing to try to take on at such a young age and to then, in the process of losing a loved one like that, it is very natural to say, well, if life is that fragile, I’m going to go to the other extreme and make sure every moment is wild and crazy and, you know, live out loud or whatever.

So, I mean, that that is a natural response. And without a great therapist who’s walking through that journey with you, I could see how you made those conclusions and how you went down that pathway.

And there’s complete understanding for that because it’s very normal to have that wall go up. Those emotions go down, and we don’t go through the grief.

Right.

And so I think through my coming to know Jesus, and really knowing Jesus, and having a relationship with him, he’s working on healing those wounds, I think going through a grieving process.

And I can look back over my journals and see all the times where I’m like, oh, we’re working on this. And it’s part of the grieving process.

Yes.

Well, thank you for being willing to share that. That is very near and dear to all of our hearts for you. And so we appreciate your vulnerability.

Thank you. Very kind.

So what lies do painful or unfinished chapters tempt us to believe?

I feel like we could list these lies.

I’m not good enough.

I’ll never amount to anything.

I’m such a failure.

Nobody likes me.

Everything that I touch goes bad.

I don’t know. Can you…

You’ve done so many horrible things.

How can anybody love you?

Yes, yes.

And in some circumstances, you could say, I know, I know better.

I can handle this on my own.

That’s a huge lie.

Yes.

I can handle this on my own.

I don’t need you.

I don’t need help.

I’m better off by my myself.

Or how about God couldn’t possibly exist.

This wouldn’t happen if there was a God.

Yes.

Yes.

I believed that lie for a really long time.

When you look back over your life, do you more easily notice God’s faithfulness or the chapters you still wish had gone differently?

I think you can have both at the same time.

I think it depends on the season I was in.

Oh, for sure.

I know.

I mentioned I can look back and know that God was covering me.

And as I got older and into adulthood and, you know, went on with my life, his faithfulness and bringing me an amazing husband, who continues to love me through my sin, children that are just a godsend. They’re my some of my, my best friends.

Love that.

You know, they’re amazing young adults.

He’s just been faithful to continue to bless my life. And I think the chapters I wish had gone differently are the choices I made.

If I could do those all over again.

Sure.

Of course.

I think this is a glass half full, glass half empty question.

Oh, totally.

Is, you know, how do you look at your life? Can you see the good that God has put in the little God signs, the little God symbols and, you know, all those moments?

Can you see the angels who have shown up in a variety of ways in your lifetime?

Man, I’ve got a million angel stories that I could recount and I’m sure we’ll do a couple of those as the seasons go on.

But literally, I guess because in my negative mindset when I was younger, I only saw the chapters that were bad and I had to work to see God showing up.

And it wasn’t until probably later in my 20s that I started to go, okay, I’m seeing, I’m seeing these neon signs.

I’m seeing God go, hey, this direction, not that direction. So I really have appreciated God’s faithfulness and tried to think of three gratitude things every night before you go to bed.. And I think that has helped me remind myself of God’s faithfulness.

I mentioned the time that we lived in Pollock Pines. And I will say, I saw God’s faithfulness over and over and over. 

We had moved up there because we had been through a really messy season, really messy. And we decided that we needed a fresh start.

Which is why that snow is pure as white.

Exactly.

Exactly.

It’s a fresh start.

Yeah, yeah, no kidding.

And we got connected with a really good counselor. She recommended a fantastic church, and we just hadn’t really been able to find one down the hill. And so to find this one and get plugged in, and just during that time was so precious.

And we made fantastic friends.

And I have a funny little story.

Love it. Do it.

And it’s about my son and he will not care that I share this at all because we both laugh about this now.

So I’m, I was always praying protection over my kids. So where we lived, we were kind of near Highway 50. And everything, the stores and the shops and grocery stores, were on the other side of the freeway.

So you went under this overpass. You know, my son, you know, he knew the rules.

He could go ride his bike and do whatever, but don’t go under the freeway because you’re actually going through where the cars come down, the off ramp.

Yeah, you’re walking through there to get under it.

And so laid it down. Boom. This is the rule.

So who are like, I’m, you know, I’m doing yard work one day. It’s the middle of the summer and I break my rock rake and I have to go to the hardware store.

Oh.

What are the chances that, you know, I break a rock rake or, I mean, that I’m even doing something like that. I never go to the hardware store.

Ever.

And so I pull up right in front and I notice Andrew’s friend is outside and I say, hey, what are you doing? And I know Andrew’s with him, but he’s not with him there. And I said, what are you doing?

And he just kind of looks at me and I ask, where is he? And he, he just like shakes his head like, I’m not going to tell you.

And I go into that store and I just, I look around, and I head down, and I don’t see him and I go, where are you? And he comes walking out and I go, go get in the car.

But that was just another example of God, God’s protection, God’s blessings.

God knew.

He was protecting my kid, you know, and he learned that day that I have, and I used it as a point. I said, you’re not going to be able to get away with anything. Period.

And it made an impression for a while. I am sure he did other things, and I don’t know what he has done. But anyhow, that was just a blessing, even though it was a funny thing, you know, with him.

Oh, kids.

I’m sure he was very excited about that day.

Yeah., he was grounded.

Yeah.

The one time I crossed that…

Yeah.

That’s funny.

Well, you know how much I love a good redemption story.

So before we jump into today’s questions, let’s look at a redemption story from the Bible. Is that cool?

I love this.

Okay.

This is a good one.

Well, I love this story. There’s so much in here.

So Joseph’s story, if you’ve been around church, you’ve probably heard Joseph’s story. So try not to shut it down. Let’s look at it with fresh eyes today.

Joseph’s story is not a quick redemption story.

It takes a long time. It’s a very long story, which I feel like I can relate to that, right?

It includes betrayal, injustice, waiting, and years that probably made no sense while he was living them.

And that’s exactly why it feels so relevant when we talk about our own painful, messy or unfinished chapters.

Poor Joseph.

I know.

Poor Joseph.

So I can say, poor Brenda, poor Cindy, poor Kim.

Poor you.

We endure a lot.

Joseph really did endure a lot.

And just to quickly recap his story, which we will find in Genesis 37 through 50, Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son.

Yep.

Uh, He was hated and betrayed by his brothers.

Which is probably really painful.

I can’t imagine.

He was sold into slavery after being tossed into a pit.

Yes.

And left for dead.

He was falsely accused.

He was imprisoned.

He was forgotten for a time, a couple years.

Yeah.

He was in prison.

In prison..

Eventually, he was elevated by God. God had not forgotten about him.

And later, he was able to see God’s hand even through deep pain.

And what I love about Joseph’s story is that all the way through it, we can see God at work.

Even when Joseph couldn’t yet see the full picture.

God was present in the betrayal, in the waiting, in the prison, and in the eventual restoration.

And in the end, through an incredible act of forgiveness, God used Joseph’s story to help save both Egypt and his own family during a seven-year famine.

It’s so good.

I mean, just what God did, how he was there and carried him through.

So when you look at Joseph’s story, what parts of it feel most relevant to this conversation of wholeness?

I can imagine Joseph might not have felt whole.

That’s what I was thinking that he came really from a broken place.

Yes.

You know, having his life altered by his own family.

Right.

So drastically.

Right.

And then to get saved, rescued from that pit-ishh.

Yeah, kind of, well slavery.

Yeah, but then sold, but ended up right in Potiphar’s house and working his way, and then to be accused of doing wrong to the wife, when he really didn’t do it.

He ran.

He ran, which is what you should do, and then thrown into prison for it.

I can’t imagine… 

When he’s like, what is happening?

Right.

Like, why God?

Why?

And why me?

Yes.

What did I do?

Yeah.

And I think that the, because of that question, what did I do?

If you look and you listen to the story, it says he was doing the right thing.mHe was making the right choice.  He wasn’t going to touch Potiphar’s wife because his master had entrusted him with everything but her.

So he was honoring his master.

Like all of the things he was, he was doing well, trying to show up with integrity and character, and trying to make their right choices.

So why, God, when I’m doing all the right things, Why?

And it happens.

You know, we think we’re doing everything right.

And yet there is suffering.

Sometimes that, you know, God, why are you allowing this suffering?

Yes.

And we don’t know.

We can’t see.

God sees. He knows what’s coming.

He knows of the blessings that are in store, but I can only imagine he must have been so so devastated.

And it makes me wonder, here he was moving, he moved up this chain of command.

Yes.

Right?

Like, we don’t know.

And I mean, who knows, but was there an air of arrogance that Joseph started to have?

Was he no longer relying on God, but his position?

Sure.

You know, what, where was he at in his walk and his relationship with the Lord?

Was he fully relying on God like he should or just his instinct?

Like, what was it?

And so that God said, I need you in a place of surrender. And then I will bring you back out.

So the broken.

Interesting because I feel like pride is where he starts. The reason his brothers are so mad at him is because he flippantly throws out the dream that he has.

True.

And so the brothers, I mean, on top of, he was the favorite of the dad, he had this great cloak. So I feel like he started with arrogance.

And I feel like, I don’t know, because we’re not in the mind of Joseph, but I can feel like as he probably went through each one of those trials, I think the arrogance may have been knocked down a notch each time he was suffering.

Right.

And then his response to the hard trial is, okay, I’m just going to get up and do what I can today.

I’m just going to do the next right reasonable step. And so as he was going through this, is this the training that was happening? I don’t know.

He could have been arrogant and kept standing on arrogance. And so the Lord was like, nope, you know, you’re right now…

Nope.

Not ready.

And I mean, who knows?

Or maybe he was so broken, and he just allowed God to use him where he was.

I don’t know.

It kind of reminds me of the story you told in our last season that towards the end of this cycle of healing and journey, and where God may bring something back to you because he wants you to learn something different.

He wants you to see how far you’ve come.

And it could be he was doing that with Joseph.

He was in a cycle.

Wow.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Well, what do you imagine Joseph wrestled with in the middle of his story before he could see what God was doing?

Why am I in jail?

What did I do, Lord?

Why am I here?

Why do these people hate me so much?

Yes.

How could my own family betray me like this?

Yeah, when you’re sitting in a jail cell surrounded by other criminals, you can’t help but wonder what questions you do you ask yourself.

Right.

What am I going to do differently?

How can I rely more on God?

What am I going to do when I get out of here?

Right.

Will I get out of here?

Yes.

You know, well, and he must have been doing something right because it says that the warden elevated him to a higher level in some way. And then didn’t have to worry about anything that was going on there because he trusted that Joseph was taking care of it.

That’s, Which makes me wonder, he must have been a very empathetic, honest, like, not a very, what makes me a woman, maybe he wasn’t arrogant.

Yeah.

If he’s going to be trusted in that manner.

Well, in Potiphar too, like for Potiphar to put everything in his power, entrusted to Joseph, barring his wife, like, except for his wife, everything else that Potiphar had, he trusted Joseph to take care of, and he didn’t worry about it because he knew Joseph had the skills and the knowledge and the blessing from God to go ahead and take care of it, even if he couldn’t call it blessing from God.

God had favor on Joseph’s life. So the things that he touched went well, you know?

Right.

So even though he was going through these really difficult things, God was still blessing him.

Yeah.

In the hard moments, in the scary places, in the dark corners of a jail cell.

So I’d like to hope that he was focusing on those blessings.

Yeah, maybe.

I would say he was probably maybe praying a lot.

Maybe that’s something that was going through his mind.

Really just some honest prayers with God on the daily.

Yeah.

You know?

I don’t know. I feel like your mind could play tricks.

Oh, absolutely.

And if you were in his situation and you were going through all of these different little “t” and big “T” traumas, it’s possible that, you know, maybe even Satan was in there whispering, all of the things, all the tempting things of you’re never going to be anything, Joseph.

You’re not special.

You’re not loved.

You are not, you know, all the things that Satan gets in there and kind of tries to mess with you.

What he does, doesn’t change. Satan doesn’t have anything new.

Nothing new.

What?

It’s the same thing around and around?

Yes.

So what does Joseph’s story teach us about the fact that redemption usually unfolds slowly?

Well, I can say there are moments when I want this season to come to a quick end, because I don’t want to be in that season for very long.

And looking at Joseph’s life, how many decades did it take for his, you know, circling to kind of finish, and for him to get to a place of real heart change and fruitfulness.

I mean, not that he wasn’t fruitful in smaller steps along the way, but being able to save his father’s household and family and to save the Egyptians. I mean, that’s, that’s kind of a big ending, you know?

Yes.

Well, I think it teaches us faithfulness.

It teaches us perseverance.

You have to keep going.

Yeah.

You don’t stop and stay in the pit.

Yeah.

You know, you don’t stay stuck, which we’ve talked about before.

Or, if you’re in the pit, you make it the best pit you can make it.

Yes.

You clean it up, you build the bridge, you make sure everybody else is taken care of in the pit with you and you just do your best in the pit until you get out of the pit.

Yes.

I have a great redemption story about this kid who was making these bad choices at our school and he was a seventh grade grader. We ended up not allowing him to do our show because he had a lead in it and he had made some choices that we had to put in the alternate.

And unfortunately, it was devastating for all of us because we really wanted him to shine.

Of course.

And the next year, he came back, eighth grade year and not only had he changed his heart, but he had changed everything, and he now was the leader we expected him to be.

He wasn’t going to audition for the show, but in the first half of the school year, he had shown us that he was growing and he was changing. He wasn’t perfect, but he was definitely a lot better.

And a lot of work with his parents, a lot of prayer, a lot of things he had changed a lot of his life.

So he auditions, gets the lead. We’re so excited. This is going to be his redemption story of how he literally has come full circle. His life is on the right path.

We’re so proud of him.

And then COVID hit.

And he never got to do his show.

And it was heartbreaking. Of all the, of all the things that could have been canceled, that is the one thing that made us just devastated for this kid who had worked it so hard to get back on track.

And so when I think of slowly, I think of, how about that kid?

You know, he worked really hard. He got his life together.

He was making such amazing choices and then ended up not seeing the reward, right? I just think, I think it’s a reality. Sometimes your redemption story comes slower than you want it to.

That’s a great story.

Hopefully, I mean, it did, hopefully it taught him perseverance. I hope that when he was able to come back later, you know, that he still had that good attitude and was able to keep going.

Well, he went into high school and did great things there.

Oh, that’s awesome.

So, I mean, we’re so proud of him. I mean, just so proud of him. But I’m just saying, man, redemption stories sometimes don’t go the way you expect and sometimes they’re slower than we think.

So, how do you hear Genesis 50:20, honestly, without turning it into a cliché?

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many.”

I’ve never really thought about that in any kind of cliche. I just love that verse.

So much.

I just love it. I love the one about the locusts too.

Yes.

You know, I mean, those two were what I was hanging onto, just grasping for.

I knew that God would do something good and that people, I was hoping I’d be able to share my story and some good would come from it.

But it’s not a cliché to me.

I love that.

Well, I think of, when I think of cliché, you hear people say, you know, well, God will do something with it.

And it can be kind of like pouring alcohol on an open wound.

Right.

You know?

Don’t worry about it.

Devil meant it for bad, but God’s going to use it for good.

It, It’s fine.

Just brush it off.

You’re going to be okay, kid.

Keep walking.

Yeah, keep going.

And so I think that’s that cliche piece.

Sure.

But that’s not how God intended this to be.

This is a promise.

There is evil and Satan does have a plan to harm you.

That’s why bad things happen, is to keep you from God.

But if you’re willing and open to God and to lay it at Jesus’ feet, then he will do something with it.

He will help you help others.

And that doesn’t necessarily have to be thousands of people.

That could be your sphere of influence. That’s your kids in your household. That’s your spouse. That’s your best friend. That’s your, that’s your parent. That’s your sibling.

Your church.

Yeah, it’s your sphere of infl influence. And it may not happen right away.

Right.

It may not.

I continue to pray that my whole story, you know, help others.

I think we all do. That’s why we’re sitting around this table, we’re opening our conversations.

These are pretty personal conversations we have. And I think our intention is to allow our stories, our journeys, to help other people go through their stories and their journeys.

And hopefully we all come out of it a little more whole at the end.

Yes.

What is the difference between God redeeming a story and God erasing a story?

Oh, so many times I’ve said, “hey, Lord, you want to just erase this part of my history? Do you want to just erase this part of my past?”

And part of that wanting the thing erased was because I was embarrassed about it. I was trying to be better than I was originally. So I was pretending like I had it all together.

And there’s this gigantic story behind me that I wanted to erase. I really, really wanted to erase it. I don’t think that’s how it works, unfortunately.

No, the kids today, they’ll make a mistake. And I’m talking about like my younger kids. They’ll make a mistake. Something silly, they’ll be like, that was AI.

Go again.

You know, it’s like, oh, if only we could only just say, yep, that was completely AI.

It really wasn’t me.

Totally it wasn’t me.

I didn’t do it.

How nice that that would be, but you wouldn’t also be able to give God glory when he redeems.

So I think that as much as we all have stories, we want to erase and we want to take away, we are trusting in God, that he’s going to redeem it in his way and his time.

And we lean on that hope and that trust.

And I think part of it is, if I erased the story, would I be the person I am today?

Great question.

I often wonder that.

You know, because I think he’s bringing us and teaching us and growing us through each one of those parts that we want to erase. I don’t know.

Well, and taking it back to Joseph, what part of his story would he want to erase?

Because I mean, there was a lot.

There was a lot.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I mean, he got thrown in that pit, but out of that, you know, he ends up, you know, with Potiphar.

And so God did use every bit of it for good.

Yeah.

So I like it.

Have there been chapters in your own life where you can now see at least a glimpse of God’s redemption?

Yes, for sure.

Yeah.

Amen.

I think this podcast is the beginning of that.

Yes.

Yeah.

You know, I think the three of us have in common through our lives separate, separate lives going, how is God ever going to use this?

Yes.

And he has crossed our paths. In his miraculous way and we are just touching the surface, I think, on being able to share our stories, and our lives, and God can then use it to redeem us and others.

Agreed.

Totally.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say a glimpse. I have had full view. Eyes wide open. He’s been so tremendously gracious, giving me my life as it is. So, yeah, he’s, he has redeemed my story for sure.

I love that.

I can actually go back and, you know, I was talking about ages 5 to 10, ages, you know, 16 to 21, 21 to 26.

And I can tell you each one of those story moments in the process of the healing, there were other people who needed to hear the stories and who were able to benefit and learn and grow from those stories that affected their lives as well.

And then on top of it, the people who were being angels for me and providing things that I couldn’t provide for myself, whether it was money that they were giving us, or whether it was food that they were giving us, the fact that they were able to take their resources and be a blessing for someone else, that’s a redemption, right?

Because now they get a blessing for that. But just the idea of walking in community through every one of those seasons has been a full redemption story, even if I never told you the whole thing.

God is so good.

Which you wouldn’t believe anyways.

God is just a miracle worker. His love is so grand.

It’s so good.

And I love a good redemption story.

Yes.

I can heal anything that comes our way.

Well, what does redemption actually look like in real life?

They’re looking at each other like, I’m not touching that one.

All right, I’ll take it.

I think it can be different for everybody.

I even think you can have a redemption story when you go from being angry to finding peace.

Yes.

When you let go of fear and you find peace. I even think that’s a redemption story. If, you know, your story doesn’t have to have a lot of big “T” in it to have to be redeemed.

Yes.

I have a silly little story. Just, I don’t know. But for me, this is this is a God redemption thing.

Okay.

So my house, where I used to live, it wasn’t really close to any grocery stores at all. So it’s kind of a big deal. If you forgot something at the store, you’re trying to make dinner, and, you know, you don’t have what you need.

You can’t just go get it.

It’s a big deal.

It’s frustrating, It’s a huge deal.

That’s where I live now.

You know. Finally, a Safeway came in. And here it is, right by my house. It’s so convenient.

I love it.

This cute little shopping center. Well, then we moved. And I’m, you know, and I love my home. I love my new community so much.

And I just found out this weekend, they’re putting a Safeway in! And I just like, God is just so good.

Even in the little things.

I love.

It’s just, I was like, it made me really, really happy.

That’s great.

That’s so good.

Even in the little things. He’s redeeming the story and restoring what the locus stole

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

That’s so good.

Well, how do we honor painful parts of our story without letting them become our identity?

I don’t know, because I think this is a problem I was having most of my life. I was assuming that my big “T” and little “t” trauma was my identity.

And I think it’s just because I was so young that I didn’t know how to sort things out. And so it literally became my identity and who I was.

And I never, I’m not the kind of person who would play the victim. I don’t do that, usually. I will generally try to rise above the hard situation. And so I’m a survivoror, you know, I try to keep moving, I try to get out of the situation or whatever. But man, I don’t know how you honor the painful part of your story without letting it become your identity and being able to separate it.

And I think I’m better at it now. I now can say that was a moment or a choice or a whatever, and it isn’t who I am. But that took decades of work and lots of therapy.

Yeah.

So I think first when we’re talking about identity, somebody who is not grounded in who they are in Christ, I think will allow those painful things that happen to become their identity.

For sure.

For, I’ll speak for myself. You know, I had this trauma and it made me change my life path, to just making like the choices I talked about. And then it that was what my identity became.

Sure.

Yeah.

You know, I, I didn’t know Christ. I was always searching for something to fill the void that I didn’t know what this void was. And so my identity became, I didn’t ever take on a victim mentality, even though I am. I was a victim of this trauma.

I didn’t let that affect me in that way, but I did take on this whole other persona and identity of being, hey, you want to go party, call Brenda.

Right?

Reckless

Like you, she’s not afraid to go out and have a good time. So that identity I took on, and I don’t think I ever honored any of the painful parts of my story because of that.

And I think when we talk about honoring the painful parts, it makes me think of sitting with them. Sharing them.

Healing them.

Healing them.

For sure.

Restoring them, healing them.

This is is part of my story.

Yeah.

This is where my life began. Because up to that point, I had a pretty healthy childhood.

I had great parents. They worked hard. Were they perfect – by no means? You know, I don’t blame them for any, bad, I guess, in my life.

They were great. I love them dearly.

But that this is where it began.

And I never dealt with it. And so that became who I was going to be.

And then I met Jesus.

And at first I met Jesus and I still didn’t share my story. I want to hold that in the dark places. I don’t want to share that.

And I continued making horrible choices.

You know, I got got married, continued making horrible choices, had kids, you know, and, and never dealing with that pain and that grief and walking through that, I felt like there, I had no way of healing anything.

Sure.

And so I ran from Jesus because it didn’t work. It didn’t work.

And a lot of us could be there. Like, why? Why run to God?

Why run to Jesus?

It didn’t work.

I didn’t let it work because I didn’t give myself over to Jesus. And now I have.

I ran back to Jesus’ open arms and he is revealing the painful parts of my story one step at a time and letting me heal it one step at a time.

Amen.

That’s so good.

It’s hard, y’all.

I was going to say, I did know Jesus as a child, though.

That’s what’s so weird that even though I, and honestly, I can tell you Jesus carried me through every one of those crazy seasons I was in, but I still took on that as the identity.

So I think, I think part of it is what you just addressed is unless you’re able to allow him to go in and heal those places, I think that makes it a lot easier to than pull that in that is your identity.

Yes.

Right? Because that healing hasn’t happened and you aren’t able to fully be redeemed to the fullness God intends for you until you get through that.

I don’t know. What do you think?

No, I agree.

I’m going back to Joseph.

Yeah.

I just picture him standing there over his siblings who don’t realize it’s him.

Yes. Can we imagine that moment.

No.

And the Bible talks about he has to leave the room because he’s weeping so loud, so bad.

And God has to work in him to forgive them.

I mean, that is such, like, I want to get to that. Let’s talk about that for just a second.

And it’s through that forgiveness.

Could you have done that?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I mean – probably not immediately.

Right.

And it’s been years.

So he’s had time in jail to think about it.

He’s had time.

I mean, we don’t know what he was thinking about, but I’m sure there was some of that.

Like if my brothers hadn’t sold me into slavery, I wouldn’t be in this place. Like I could imagine having that conversation in my head, right?

Blaming them for the situation that you’re in and the angst and the pain that you’ve lived through, I could see carrying that into this relationship.

So for the fact that they don’t recognize him and he recognizes them. Man, I have tried to put myself in that place several, several times when I’ve read through this story of the reality of what would you, what would come to my mind?

What would come to your mind when you’re looking at the people who have really caused a chain of events in your life?

Oh, he could have very easily not provided them with anything and been like, ha ha, it’s like you get to go to jail.

See how you like it.

Right.

Yeah.

Turn them into slaves.

Right?

You know, he could have very easily done any of those things, but I think God had been working on him.

Yeah.

Right.

Through it all. Through it all.

And he recognized it and he was called to forgive them.

He wanted to. He wanted the relationship.

I bet.

I think he wanted the restoration. He wanted to restore it. He wanted to see his dad again.

He wanted to see his younger brother.

Yeah.

Like, he wanted these things.

So I think forgiveness.

And also ultimately 

Has to come 

when you feel hated, it probably would have felt really good, not only for you to forgive them, but to feel like they actually care about you.

You know, when you’ve been hated that long, that they would do something like that, it would probably really be profound if not only can I forgive you, but could you love me back to the way we were supposed to be at the beginning.

Right.

Wild. I’m sure none of us have had any family drama. I’m sure none of us have ever had any trouble with any of the people around.

We can’t relate at all.

Really not loving us the way we want them to.

Hey, y’all.

We all walk with human beings.

Yeah.

We are human beings.

We are human beings.

We are going to feel it, experience it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what would you say to the woman who feels like one chapter of her story has disqualified her from being used by God?

Okay.

We would say, get behind me, Satan. That’s where we’d start the conversation. Because there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Do you see what I just did there?

I was going to say something else and I literally, a Bible verse came to my mind and you want to know why? Because that’s how we fight Satan.

We take on the word of God, we renew our minds with it. We ask for forgiveness from what we’ve done that would disqualify us.

We ask for forgiveness and when we have gotten that forgiveness from God, and from ourselves, we then fight Satan tooth and nail with the scriptures.

And we don’t live in shame. We know that God is going to use whatever we did.

Yeah.

He’ll use it to His glory. Somehow.

I’m not far out from that chapter of my story.

I don’t think any of us are. That’s why we’re on the table.

Yes.

You know, and I was that woman. And I think part of me still believes that. How could he use me?

Yeah.

I have hurt people.

How? How could he?

But as I sit around this table, with my community and my friends who lift me up and remind me of what God says about me, that that is enough and that I am going to trust him, that he will.

He will use my story. And I know he already has used my story to help others. So I would say to you, don’t give up.

Right.

Don’t let Satan win. Fall to Jesus’ feet and stand up in his glory. And he will use your story.

For Christmas, I made this little magnet.

It has this picture of these waves coming over and the waves are gigantic. How I captured that, I’ll never be able to tell you.

I mean, Beautiful.

The waves were over my head. I mean, they were huge. And then we put a verse on it. Do you guys remember the verse?

I should.

It’s hanging on my refrigerator.

Yeah.

I look at it every day.

“I am the Lord God Almighty, is anything too hard for me.”

And every time I hear that verse, it reminds me that if I think I’m disqualified because of something I’ve done, then I don’t understand God. Because my salvation, my redemption, my healing, does not depend on me.

It only depends on God.

Amen.

He’s the only one who could give me salvation because I’m not good enough, perfect enough, anything enough, to pay the debt of my sin.

And so because I understand that Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and resurrection is what brings me salvation, I also then have to say, that is also what brings me my redemption.

And there is nothing I could do to earn it or push it away, except to reject it.

And you know what else? Look at what God did when he was in the form of Jesus walking the earth.

Who did he go to? He chose every single person that he uses is disqualified.

Yes.

True.

They would be.

Yep.

Yes.

And he redeemed him on the spot and just said, follow me.

Yes.

So, I mean, there you go. There’s our example.

Well, he didn’t have the perfect people to pick.

Oh, wait.

Wait.

There aren’t any.

Yes.

So he went. I love the, do the people who are feeling well need a doctor.

No.

It’s the sick people who need the doctor, right?

Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Write that scripture down.

Mm.

Memorize it.

And the one that I mentioned earlier, uh, Joel, 2:25 A, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” so good.

I can pick a couple of years the locust ate.

Yes.

Yeah.

I’m so glad there’s that promise, right? I’m so glad that that promise is in there.

Psalm 147:3, “he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

I love this verse.

I definitely have memorized this and have brought this out many times because I really, really appreciate that he binds up our wounds.

Well, this week’s reflection question is, “What part of your story do do you most need to place back into God’s hands, not because you fully understand it, but because you want him to redeem it?”

That’s good.

Let’s pray.

Holy God.

Thank you so much for for this time around the table.

Thank you for reminding us with Joseph’s story, how you want to redeem our lives.

We all have examples, Lord.

And we we are so grateful.

And for the women out there that feel that there’s something that you just can’t forgive them for or redeem, God, just impress upon them that you love them.

You love them so much. You know what they’ve gone through. You were there with them.

You captured their tears, perhaps, God.

God, I just pray that they would just give that to you and let you replace that broken peace with a fullness and use it to help bring someone else to you.

Lord, we thank you for this time in your name.

We pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Thanks for sitting at the table with us.

We’ll leave you there for now.

May God meet you in the quiet places this week.

And remember, becoming whole isn’t about becoming someone else.

It’s about becoming who God created you to be.

As we close, we pray that you would notice Jesus meeting you in the ordinary moments of your week.

He loves you.

He sees you.

He is fighting for you.

For show notes, resources, or to answer the reflection of the week, visit LifeReclaimed.net.

If this conversation encouraged you, consider subscribing or leaving a rating and review. It helps other women find a seat at the table.

Until we’re together again, may the grace and peace of Jesus go with you. 

Genesis 37-50

Genesis 50:20 – You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Joel 2:25a – I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten

Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Romans 8:1 – Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

Worship

Life Reclaimed Season 1 Worship Playlist

Continue your time with the Lord by listening to the Life Reclaimed Worship Playlist, available on Spotify. You can find it by searching Life Reclaimed on Spotify or by visiting LifeReclaimed.net/playlist